Home Is Where The Heart Is, Chapter 4

I stuff the wad of bills into my pocket and slip my shoes on, done with my first house for the night. I take a paper out of my pocket by random. I sigh and start heading in that direction. Doug lives in the same neighbourhood as Geoff so at least I have some clue as to where he lives. I've never even heard of the street Manny lives on, and that's saying something considering I've lived here for 2 years.

I stick my hands on my pockets and amble down the street, taking my time. I don't particularly enjoy this type of work, but when I was thrown out of my house, I was at a loss of what to do with myself. After my mom died when I was 6 my dad went crazy. He started drinking and soon became abusive. Enough so that he would beat on my sister and I when he was drunk. My sister didn't put up with it for very long. She called the police and Children's Services got involved. He went to rehab and 3 months later we went to live back with him. It didn't take long for him to return to drinking.

By that time I was 7 and my sister was 16. The police were called again, and again he went to rehab. Almost 6 months after that he was deemed cured and I was sent back to live with him again. My sister got the choice of living with him or with our aunt. She chose our aunt. I didn't get a choice since I was only 8 and on the outside he seemed like the perfect father.

He made a big effort of attending my school functions and portraying the widowed father roll. Everyone believed him, even Children's Services and soon they shut our case file for good. But at home when he didn't have to pretend, it was much worse. He beat me on a regular basis. Sometimes almost daily. I was too scared to tell anyone, so the abuse went on for almost two years when he met his new wife, Doreen. By this time I had just turned 10.

After he met her, he pretty much ignored me. It was a nice change and I was finally starting to feel happy again. One day after school I came home to find a small bag on my doorstep with my clothing in it. My dad had changed the locks while I was gone and the windows were all locked. That day, June 12th, was almost 7 years ago.

I sigh and knock on Doug's door. He comes to the door a few seconds later and lets me in. His place smells like stale smoke. "The bedroom's down the hall, first door on the right. Give me a few minutes." As I'm passing the living room I spot Shay and some girl sitting beside eachother on one of the couches. He's got his arm around her shoulders and she's whispering into his ear. I think of waving hello but they don't see me, so I open Doug's bedroom door and close it behind me.

His room smells worse than the rest of the house, but I'm pretty used to it, so it doesn't bother me much. There's clothes all over the floor and an overflowing ashtray. There's nowhere to put my jacket so I keep it on and cross the small room, leaning against the wall opposite the door. Ten minutes later, just as I'm about to leave, Doug opens the door and enters the room. "Sorry, hadda get rid of those two." I stand up straight as he walks toward me.

"No worries." He lays down on the bed and removes his shirt. I'm not very excited about my clothes being on his lack of floor, but it doesn't really work if they're on me, so I take off my jacket and lay it carefully on the edge of the bed, followed by my pants and shirt. I've been blessed with a small enough chest that I don't need to wear a bra, which suits me just fine. I've heard they're annoying and just a nuisance, so I'm glad I don't need to wear one. It's also handy when I need to dress quickly.

Doug's eyes travel across my body in a way that makes me uncomfortable. It kind of throws me off and I become clumsy and shy. "Somethin' wrong?" I shake my head and crawl over to him. "Good. I've heard you're good and I wanna get my money's worth." I've been told things like that before and it's never really bothered me until now. It troubles my already troubled state of mind and I hesitate while removing his pants. A frown makes its' way onto Doug's face so I kneel over his lap. A smile replaces the frown and he takes me by surprise when he flips me over onto my back. "Much better." It comes out in a low growl and I'm suddenly scared for my safety. Something about this doesn't seem right to me.

"I prefer top." His hands slide up and down my body.

"I'm paying you, you do what I want." I try to wiggle myself out from under him, but he's way bigger than me and a lot stronger. "Where do you think you're goin'?" He pins my arms over my head with his hands and lays his body on me. I can hardly breathe cause he so heavy. He presses his lips hard against mine and then pulls back. "You're not goin' anywhere. I'm gonna get me my money's worth." I nod, a plan forming in my head. I was taken advantage of before and I won't ever let it happen again.

He let's go of my hands and sits back on the bed. I spot a belt laying on the floor and grab it. He smiles and holds out his hand. I shake my head. "Nope, this is for you." I look behind him at his bed frame. It's not very big, but it'll do. "Lay down and put your hands above your head." He does as I tell him and I move to tie his hands to the bed frame with the belt. I pull to make sure he can't get out easily and then slide back down his body, my head over his lap. I almost throw up at the thought of having to touch him, but leaving him like this isn't enough. He's got to be hurting, too.

He moans deeply as I remove his boxers. I work his body all the right ways, keeping my mind elsewhere, hoping the belt will hold up. I've never bitten a guy out of anger and it's not something I'm exactly excited about doing. When he's close I bend my head down, take a deep breath, and bite him hard. For good measure I dig my long nails into his leg, breaking the skin and making him bleed. "Ow! You fucking bitch! What the fuck is your problem!? Ow, fuck!" I grab my clothes and glare down at him while pulling on my pants.

"You are, you stupid asshole." I pull on my tank top and grab my jacket, bolting from his bedroom, down the hall, and out of his house. Half a block down I stop running and slow to a walk, looking behind me but seeing no one. I'm glad it's 3 in the morning and there's no one around.

"Stupid bitch, get the fuck back here. I'm not done with you!" I spot Doug running up behind me and take off down the street. I'm a pretty fast runner but Doug's got to be at least 6 foot and he's catching up to me quickly. I wonder what the hell I'm going to do when I turn the corner and spot Geoff's house. I thank my lucky stars and make myself run faster, hopping the fence and hiding under a bush. There's two lights on in the basement and I wonder how I'm going to get in there without Doug knowing. I don't really want to hide out under the bush until morning.

I jump slightly as Doug hops the fence and lands a few feet from my hiding place. "Where are you, you whore? Think you can fucking bite me and get away with it?" I push myself as far into the fence as I can and hope that there's no light in the backyard.

"Doug? What the fuck are you doing out here? It's 3 in the morning and my parents are sleeping."

"That little bitch bit my dick and ran off. She's in your yard and I'm looking for her."

"What? Mick?" I watch Doug limp around the yard, peering under bushes.

"Yeah, whatever her name was. She fucking bit me."

"Any reason she might'a done that Doug?"

"I was just havin' a little fun."

"Well maybe she's not used to your type of fun. Now get outta my yard before I call the cops." My heart almost stops as Doug walks closer to the bush I'm hiding under. "Now Doug, get out."

"Fuck you Geoff. Whatever, I'm outta here." I breathe a quiet sigh of relief as Doug's feet walk away from my hiding place, around the side of the house, and out into the street.

"Mickey? Are you out there? He's gone." I crawl slowly out from under the bush and when Geoff spots me he walks over to me. "I'm sorry, Mick. If I had of known he was going to call on you I would have told you not to show up." I shrug.

"Doesn't matter. I'm gonna go. Thanks." I turn around to hop back over the fence but Geoff grabs my arm. I look back at him and then down at my arm. He doesn't let go.

"He doesn't give up easily, it'd be safer for you to lay low until he gives up."

"I can take care of myself." A small smile pulls at his lips.

"You really bit him?" I nod and cross my arms.

"Scratched him, too."

"Can't say he didn't deserve it. Come on, I'll feel a lot better when I know you're safe." I shrug but follow him into the house anyway. In all honesty I'd feel safer inside with him than outside where Doug could be waiting for me. But I doubt I'll admit that to anyone.

Home Is Where The Heart Is, Chapter 3

Swift throws an arm over my shoulder and hugs me close to him. "So Mickey, how was your night? You're back kinda late, eh?" I just look at him.

"Get off me Swift. And it's none'a your damn business how my night was."

"Ooooh, that good, huh? Come on, I can keep a secret."

"God Swift, it's 9 in the morning, you're drunk already?"

"Not already, still." I shake my head and shrug away from him. "So come on, tell me. Who was he?"

"That's still none of your business."

"You're no fun. Mo would'a told me."

"Yeah well, Mo's a self proclaimed whore. No surprise there."

"If she's a whore, wha'does that make you, huh?"

"Oh come on Swift, leave poor Mickey alone. You know she likes her secrets."

"Hitch, hey, how goes it?" Swift and Hitch do that stupid guy half hug thing and Hitch looks at me.

"Hey Mick." I stare at him but don't say anything. We used to be involved and I have no idea what I saw in him. He's a class A asshole. I made the mistake of telling him a secret or two and he went and blabbed about it to whoever would listen. It's taken me a long time to get my reputation back up. And thanks to him, I've never trusted anyone since. "You not gonna talk to me, Mick?"

"I haven't seen you in two years Henry, what makes you think I wanna talk to you?" Swift looks at Hitch with a silly grin.

"Henry, eh?" Hitch glares at him and the silly grin leaves his face. Poor Swift.

"Hitch, you're an ass."

"Come now Mickey, that's not what you used to call me, remember?"

"It's pretty pathetic that you think I'm still interested. Like I give a shit about you now."

"That hurts, Mickey, really. And here I was just dropping in to tell you a happy birthday." Swift looks at me.

"It's your birthday? Well shit, I didn't get you a present."

"No worries, Swift. I don't want any. I'll see you later, 'kay?"

"Okay Mick, see yah." I stick my hands in my pockets and continue walking down the street. I should have known it would never work, that it was only a matter of time until he found me here. Not like I was really hiding myself that well. I turn in the direction of the train station, wondering when the next train is leaving. I'm going to miss Detroit, but I think I've overstayed my welcome. I've never been in one place for so long anyway. It's time for a change.

I come to the train station to find a train getting ready to leave. I walk up to someone heaving boxes into the train. "Hey, when's this train leaving?" He looks at me before answering.

"'Bout half an hour. But this train isn't for passengers."

"I know, was just wondering, thanks."

"You planning to run away from home, little lady?"

"Well I guess that would work if I actually had a home." He just looks at me and then crosses his arms across his chest.

"You a runnaway?"

"In a manner of speaking. Why do you care anyhow?"

"You look like you're what, 14, 15?"

"17."

"17. Where are your parents? Doesn't anyone care that you're out in the streets?"

"Nope, no one cares."

"Oh, I'm sure your parents do."

"So I guess caring counts as kicking your kid out, hmm, news to me. Thanks for the info. Have fun." I turn around and walk away in the opposite direction, back to where Swift and Hitch were. Maybe I could wait a couple more days to leave. Save up some money first, stock up on some things. Yep, good plan. I decide to go to Don's, even though he's probably not up yet Polly will be. I don't think she ever sleeps.

I knock on the door and sure enough, Polly opens it. "He's sleeping."

"I know. Thought I'd hang around 'til he wakes up. I need a few names from him."

"Right. Sure. I can get you some." Polly disappears into Don's bedroom and comes out a minute later with 4 slips of paper.

"Don wanted me to give these to you anyway. They came by earlier." I take them from her and look at the names. Two of them seem familiar. Manny and Doug. Oh God, those are the guys from Geoff's. Great. The two others I've never met before.

"Thanks. Tell Donny I said hi."

"Will do. See yah Mick."

"Bye." I exit the building and turn left. I take a smoke and lighter out of my pocket and light it, taking a drag. I haven't had a smoke since last night and it feels good. It makes me think back to earlier this morning, talking to Shay. And that makes me think of the papers in my pocket. I sigh mentally as Swift and Mo come walking down the street toward me. Mo has this insane idea that we're in a contest with eachother. She's always bragging about how many guys she lands and how much money she gets from them. As if I care.

"Hey Mick. Saw you down by the trains. Planning to skip out on us?" I take another drag.

"Now what would give you that impression?" Mo shrugs.

"Maybe 'cause trains go places. And lots of people take trains to go places."

"Nah. Just seeing what was in the boxes."

"Also saw you comin' out of Don's."

"Also heard it's nonna your business. See yah Swift." I walk past them and continue down the street, finishing my smoke and flicking the butt onto the road. Isn't turning 17 supposed to be a good thing? Seems all today's been is crap. Hopefully it gets over with soon and I can get on with it.

Home Is Where The Heart Is, Chapter 2

I roll over and look at the clock. It's 7 in the morning and I only slept for two hours. I never sleep well when I'm in a different bed, which is quite often. I'm amazed that I can actually function some days. I can tell I'm going to be tired today. I jump up when the door opens and a lady walks in. "Oh, miss I'm sorry! I was just coming in to change the sheets and gather the laundry." I climb out of the bed and grab my jacket.

"That's okay, I was just leaving anyway."

"Would you like me to wash your clothing, miss?" I look at my pile of clothes at the end of the bed.

"Um, I guess, if you want." She smiles kindly at me.

"It's no trouble at all. The kitchen is upstairs if you're hungry." As if on cue, my stomach rumbles. The woman smiles again and puts my clothes in the laundry basket she's carrying. I back out the door and turn just in time to run into someone coming out of the door across the hall.

"Shoot, sorry, didn't see you there." I look up and recognize the guy I ran into as Shay.

"S'okay, probably should have walked forwards." He smiles.

"You staying? I was just heading upstairs to make myself some breakfast."

"Sure, I mean, the lady is washing my clothes for me."

"Great, follow me." He goes to touch my shoulder but I shrug away from him and instead follow him up the stairs. He leads me to the kitchen and I lean against the counter, crossing my arms, watching him flit around the kitchen. "Any special requests? I make a mean BLT."

"Sorry, I'm allergic to tomatoes."

"Really, wow. Okay, anything you want?" My stomach rumbles again.

"I'm not picky. Make whatever you were planning to have and I'll probably eat it."

"How's an omelette sound? Ham, cheese, peppers?" I nod.

"Sounds good to me."

"You're welcome to sit." I shake my head.

"No, I'm good, thanks though." He cracks a few eggs into a bowl.

"I noticed you declined Geoff's invite to sit lastnight, too. What's up with that?" I shrug.

"It's a long story, I guess."

"I like long stories." I look down at my feet.

"It's not very interesting." He looks at me and smiles.

"I like boring stories too, we're in luck."

"Maybe another time."

"I'll hold you to that." I watch as he moves around the kitchen, making our breakfast. "All done. You're gonna stand and eat?" I look at the counter but nod.

"Yep."

"Mind if I sit?" I take a plate from him and set it on the counter.

"Go for it." He pulls out a chair at the table and sits down, starting in on his omelette. Despite how hungry I am, I pick at my food, only eating a few bites. It's really good, but I just can't bring myself to eat more.

"So, how'd your parents come up with Mickey?"

"It's highly embarrassing."

"Oh come on. It can't be any worse than mine."

"You first." He smiles and shoves a bite of egg into his mouth.

"Okay, well I was supposed to be a girl and they were going to name me Shaylynne. But surprise, wasn't, so they shortened it to Shay. Lucky me, eh?"

"Mine's worse."

"Hit me." I take another small bite.

"When my sister was younger she was obsessed with Mickey Mouse and my parents let her name me. Surprise, surprise, she picked Mickey. She wanted the mouse, too, but thankfully they didn't put that part in." Shay chuckles and I look up at him.

"Well, I guess you win. This time. But don't worry, I'll win for something." He turns back to his food for a few minutes before looking back over at me, this time with a small frown on his face. "I have kind of a personal question. But I understand if you don't want to answer it." I groan mentally, already knowing what it is. "How exactly did you get into this, er, line of work?"

"That's another long and boring story for another time."

"Okay, I understand. Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"Like what?"

"I dunno, like stuff about yourself."

"Well, I dunno. I guess I'm not very interesting."

"Oh please. There's got to be something. Where'd you grow up?"

"Maine."

"Wow, that's not next door. Any reason you moved to Michigan?"

"That's part of the long and boring story."

"Fair enough. You smoke?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Lastnight when I first saw you. Whenever someone that doesn't smoke walks into that room they're coughing like crazy. All you did was blink."

"It stung a little, but I'm used to it." He nods while getting up and rinsing off his plate.

"You done?" I nod and hand him the plate. "You didn't eat much." I shrug.

"I'm not a big eater, I guess." After he's done rinsing my plate he turns around and leans against the counter, facing me.

"Do you have a place to stay?" I cross my arms and look down at my feet.

"Yeah."

"If you wanna stay here for a few days, I'm sure Geoff wouldn't mind." I look back up at Shay.

"Look, I appreciate the shower and the clothes and the food, but I'm not a charity case, okay? I can take care of myself just fine."

"And I don't doubt that. I was just simply offering a place to sleep if you need or want it." I nod.

"Well thanks anyway, but I'll be fine." Just then the cleaning lady comes up from the basement with my folded, clean clothes.

"Here you are, miss. Just came out of the dryer." I take them from her and set them on the counter beside me. Shay pushes off the counter and heads for the basement.

"Hang on there, Mickey. I got something for you." I count to 52 in my head before he comes back up to the kitchen, carrying something in his hand. He walks over to me and hands me a small wad of bills, the one on the outside is a 20. "Here, Geoff gave me this to give to you." I take the money and stick it in my back pocket.

"Thanks." He shrugs and I get the impression I hurt his feelings.

"Not my money, but I'll pass along the message."

"Here miss, I've got a bag for your clothes." The lady hands me a small backpack and I stick my clothes in it, swinging it over my shoulder while heading for the door.

"Good luck, Mickey." The door closes before I can say thanks.

Home Is Where The Heart Is, Chapter 1

"Happy birthday to me." I light a smoke and take a deep drag, blowing it out and sticking my lighter back in my pocket. Today is May 30th, my birthday, I'm 17 years old. I take another drag and rest my head against the wall, blowing the smoke out slowly, letting it swirl into the night air.

"Hey Mick, Don wants'ta see yah." I shift my eyes to Swift, he looks drunk. He's no fun when he's drunk. He gets angry and jealous, even though we were never a thing. I finish my smoke and flick it away from me, getting up and walking the two blocks to Don's apartment. Him wanting to see me can only mean one thing.

I walk up the four flights of stairs and knock on door number 405. I hear footsteps come to the door before it opens, revealing Pollyanna. "Hey Mick, you know where he is." I inch by her and walk down the hall. Polly's always creeped me out, even more than Donny does. I knock at Don's door and hear a shout from inside. I open it and step in.

"Come on in Mick, sit down." I shake my head and cross my arms. He chuckles. "Shoulda known. Anyways.." He holds out a piece of paper and I cross the room to take it from him. I stick it in my pocket without looking at it. I walk backwards across the room to the door. "Says he wants you there tonight, but I told him it's up to you." I nod again. Don's always looked out for me, ever since we met 2 years ago.

"'Kay, see yah later, Donny." I walk out of the room and back to the front door, down the hallways and out of the building. I walk around for an hour before taking the paper out of my pocket and reading it. Geoff. Pssh. Bet he's some 30 year old loser. I change my course to the direction of his place, deciding to just get it over with tonight, get my money and get outta there.

His place is a half hour walk, but I don't mind walking. It's the one thing that keeps me together after all this time. I like to take off for a few hours, not going anywhere in particular, and seeing where I end up. I take my time getting there, arriving 45 minutes after reading the slip of paper. The address I arrive at is a small house with no lights on upstairs. I look around before spotting a light on in a basement window.

I walk back around the house and knock on the side door. It takes a full four minutes for someone to answer the door. What I expected is not what greets me. I expected some 30 year old, fat and balding dude. Who answers the door is a younger guy, no older than 25, pretty good looking, thin. "Hey, I'm looking for Geoff."

"Come in, he's downstairs." I follow the guy down the stairs to the basement. Down there, there's four doors, all closed. The guy opens the last one on the left and stands aside to let me in. I walk past him into a room filled with smoke. It stings my eyes a bit and I blink against the smoke. The light is dim and the t.v's on some music video channel. There's two couches, two people sitting on one and three sitting on the other. The guy that answered the door sits on the couch with the two people. "This is her." One of the guys turns to look at me, and again I'm surprised by his age.

"You Mickey?"

"Mick."

"I'm Geoff." He points to the guy that answered the door and then the girl sitting beside him. "That's Doug and that's Jill." The girl looks over at me and then takes a drink from a beer bottle. Geoff points to the two guys and one girl sitting on the other couch. "That's Shay, Manny, and Heather." I look at each of them in turn. The only one that actually shows any interest in my presence is Shay, who keeps his head turned toward me longer than 5 seconds.

"So where do you wanna do this?"

"Hang on a second, sweetheart." Ugh. Pet names. "Why don'tcha take'a seat?" I shake my head and continue to stand. I see Shay look back over at me, which un-nerves me a little. I'm used to none of the friends giving me any attention at all. This is weird, but I figure he'll probably call on me sometime in the future. Which I have to admit, I wouldn't hate. He's young and good looking from what I can tell.

It takes Geoff ten more minutes before finally getting up off the couch. I step out of the room and let him lead me to the next door over. He opens the door and I follow him in. Another surprise, this room is free of smoke and is actually nice. The bed's made and there's a soft glow of light. I shut the door behind me and take off my jacket. It's still pretty chilly for the end of May. "There's a shower and food if you want it." I look at him in surprise. This is the first time I've been offered anything but money.

Geoff takes a beer out of a mini bar I hadn't noticed before and holds one out, offering me one. "Sure." He opens it for me and I cross the room and take it from him. He opens one for himself and sits on the bed, taking a magazine and laying in on his lap. I look and notice that it's a motorcycle magazine. Not what I was expecting at all. He catches me staring and I look away.

"Honestly, take a shower, eat something. You look skinny." I take a long sip of the cold beer, savouring the taste. "We don't gotta do anything if you don't wanna." I nod mutely, but my mind is reeling. "'Sides, doesn't feel right to me, you being 16 an' all."

"I turned 17 today."

"Happy birthday then." He turns his attention back to the magazine on his lap. I look around the room and notice another door, which I'm guessing leads to a bathroom or closet. It's been months since I've had a good, long, hot shower and I would absolutely love one. But I just feel weird. It's also been a while since I had a good meal. I sigh and take another long sip, half the beer already gone. "Bathroom's through that door. Be as long as you want." I finish my beer before getting off the bed and crossing the room to the closed door. It opens to reveal a bathroom. It's pretty plain, but it's nice. I look back at Geoff before closing the door but he's reading his magazine.

I shut the door and step over to the shower, turning it on to hot. I shed my clothes and fold them, setting them on the counter, before stepping into the shower. The hot water feels amazing against my skin and I just stand there for a few minutes, letting it soak in. Boy am I glad Don found this guy. I can't help but wonder why this guy is different than any of the others. I shrug. Oh well. 'Least I get a hot shower and some food out of it.

Almost an hour later I emerge from the bathroom, clad in just a robe. Geoff is now watching t.v and I wonder what he could be watching at almost 4 in the morning. He looks over at me and then to a small pile of clothes at the end of his bed. "I figured you're about the same size as Jill. She's always leaving clothes here. Take 'em if you want'em." I pick them up and survey the options. A simple pair of dark blue jeans and a light purple tank top.

"Thanks." He nods and his attention reverts back to the t.v. I wonder if I should change in front of him, and decide against it, going back into the bathroom. The jeans are a size too big but the tank top fits nicely. I gather up my clothes and exit the bathroom for the second time. This time there's food waiting on a table near the door to the room.

"Dunno what you like so you got a BLT or something. And there's coffee if you drink it." I'm allergic to tomatoes so I decline the BLT but I take the coffee eagerly. I add milk and sugar and sit on the edge of the bed.

"Thanks. For all of this."

"Don't mention it. Really, it's no big deal. I hate to see young girls like you out there. Figured I'd get you in here, wash you up and get some food into you. Though it seems you don't want the food."

"I'm allergic to tomatoes."

"Huh, never heard'a that before." We sit in silence as I sip my coffee and he watches his t.v show.

"So, how old are you anyway?"

"I'll be 27 in a few months. All the guys are about 24, 25. Shay's the youngest, he's 20." I can't think of anything to say so I keep quiet and drink my coffee. At 5 I start to get tired and my eyes close a little. "Hey, if you wanna sleep here that's fine. I gotta get to work in an hour anyway." Geoff gets off the bed and pulls down the blanket that he was sitting on. I set the cup on the side table and slide down the warm bed under the blankets. I'm too tired and the bed's too comfy to object now. I'm asleep before Geoff leaves the room.

The Impossibility Of Sensibility, Chapter 15

"I called Sasha and we're going to spend the day together. I haven't seen her in a long time."

"How old are those kids of hers now?"

"Um.. I think they're almost 6 months."

"I still remember when you were that small. Such a spirited child, you were."

"Wasn't I crawling soon after?"

"I think you started when you were 7 months. And then walking by your first birthday. You kid's grow up too fast. I can't believe you're going to be 19 in just a month."

"I can't believe you're going to be 45."

"Shh. No one's supposed to know that, remember?" I smile and tap my lips with my finger.

"Your secret is safe with me. I'll call you later okay?"

"All right. Let us know what the results are." I wave to my father and enter the hospital. I check in with reception and she tells me to go directly up to Dr Cullen's office. I knock at the door and he tells me to go in.

"Ah, Jillian, please, sit down." I remove my coat and sit on one of the chairs in front of his desk. "I have another appointment soon so I don't have too much time. I just thought I would let you know that I talked to my family last night."

"And?"

"They don't mind it if Emmett sees you, but I need to accompany him, as will Edward."

"Why?"

"It's ah, safer that way."

"Do you think I'd try to hurt him?" Dr Cullen actually laughs.

"No, no.. nothing of the sort. We're actually worried about Emmett. He's, ehm, quite different since you've last seen him. His self control needs to go a long way before we can let him alone with you." I frown. I don't understand this at all. "I know it can be confusing, but it's for your own good, trust me on this." I nod, not sure of what to say.

"When can I see him?"

"As soon as you'd like, I suppose."

"Oh, today, please!" Dr Cullen chuckles.

"Okay, well not as soon as you'd like. What about next weekend?" I think over my calendar mentally.

"That works for me. Have Emmett call me when you're coming over."

"I think it would be best if you met him elsewhere. If you come here I can drive you." I nod, disappointed. "So, if you don't have any other questions, I really do need to get going." I stand up and slip back into my coat.

"No, that's it. I guess I'll see you next week."

"Yes. Excuse me." He rushes off and leaves me alone in his office. I have half a mind to go home and cancel on Sasha, but it's been almost 3 months since I saw her and her twins last. I sigh deeply and head back out onto the street. It's a cloudy January day and it looks like it's going to snow again soon. I shove my hands in my pockets and head myself in the direction of Sasha's house. Hopefully she's awake. My appointments with Dr Cullen are usually early in the morning, as he works the midnight shift.

I make it to Sasha's house and knock quietly on the door. I hear shuffling inside and the door opens. "Jill! Come inside, it's freezing out there." She ushers me inside and strips off my wet coat. Halfway here it started snowing that wet snow that sticks to everything. "Come on, let's get you out of this stuff and into some dry clothes." She runs up the stairs and a few minutes later comes down with a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. "I'm sorry they're so big. They're from my pre-baby days, but you're still so skinny." Usually everyone tries to avoid talking about my weight, but not Sasha.

"No, it's okay. They'll be warmer this way." She smacks her forehead.

"I forgot socks. Those ones must be soaking wet." I look down at my boots and wiggle my toes. They feel wet. "Well don't just stand there, get those boots off, take these to the bathroom, and change. I'll dry your clothes for you while you're here." Sasha seems to be in all out mother mode now. I follow her orders and emerge from the bathroom in warm, dry clothes and cold bare feet. She gives me a heating pad for my feet.

I spend the day catching up with Sasha and watching her with her twins, Margaret and Barbara. They're both happy and outgoing, Barbara more-so than Margaret. I still feel a twinge of jealousy whenever I'm with Sasha, but I push it aside and just let myself enjoy her children.

After lunch I call my father and ask him to bring me home. I collect my clothes and say goodbye to Sasha, promising to see her again as soon as I can. Even if it hurts being with her, I can't let that get in the way of our friendship. We've been friends a very long time and my jealousy and anger shouldn't be enough to change that.

After I get home I go up to my room and curl up under my blankets. I think about next weekend and my meeting with Emmett. I wonder what he'll look like after a year and a half. Not too different, I hope. I begin to wonder if I look much different, and then think myself as silly. Of course I look different. I'm 10 pounds lighter than the last time he saw me. I wonder if he'll be repulsed by me. The thought makes me sad to think that he won't want to see me because I look gross.

I sigh and push thoughts of next weekend from my mind. I grab my favourite book, which I've read once a month for nearly 5 years, and read until it's time for dinner. Sometimes I wish I wasn't forced to eat at every meal. Before I was in the hospital I could skip meals and no one would care. Now I need to attend and eat at every single one.

Instead of going back up to my room after dinner, I sit in the family room with my mother as she sews. She's recently started a set of blankets for Sasha's twins. She hopes to get them done by their first birthday. I fall asleep while watching her sew, dreaming of blankets and laughing children.