03 December 2011

The Impossibility Of Sensibility, Chapter 4

I smile up at the sun and lay down on the soft grass. It's one of those perfect late August days and I'm not going to waste it inside. I sigh contently as I wonder what to get Emmett for his birthday in a couple weeks. He's going to be 20, so it's a big deal. He refuses to let me get him anything but I'm not listening to him. He'll just have to deal with whatever I get him. I quiet my breathing as I notice slow footsteps coming toward me. Somehow I already know it's Emmett.

He stops about 2 feet from my head and I can feel his shadow over me, blocking the warm sun. "I know you're not sleeping, love." I fight to control my face. It's always impossible for me to not smile while around Emmett. He plunks down beside my head and I keep my eyes closed, a smile fighting it's way into my face. After a few minutes when Emmett hasn't said anything I open my eyes to see his face an inch from mine.

"Emmett! Get away." He pulls his head back and laughs, showing off that dimpled smile I love so much. I sit up and look over at him. He's wearing swimming trunks and an old shirt. I see a small bag beside him and raise my eyebrows. He tosses it to me.

"It's for you. I thought we could go swimming before lunch." I grin and open the bag to see one of my swimming suits. I wonder how he got it, considering all of that stuff is in my locked room at the house, but mentally shrug and look around for a place to change into it. "Don't worry, I won't peek."

"Yeah right you won't. I'll go change behind that tree."

"Whatever you say." He chuckles as I get up and jog over to the trees lining the river. I hide behind a larger tree and take the suit out of my bag. I look at it and roll my eyes. It's one of my smaller suits. One my mother definitely wouldn't approve of if she saw me wearing it. It happens to be Emmett's favourite, no surprise there. I strip down and shimmy myself into the suit, stuffing my dress into the bag and emerging from behind the tree. I look around for Emmett, but he's nowhere to be seen. "Emmett, come on." I sigh and walk over to the water. He's probably just waiting behind a tree or something to scare me.

I dip my toes into the water and sigh happily. It's perfectly warm. Almost like bath water. I walk in while looking around for Emmett. When the water is up to my waist I feel a hand on my ankle that suddenly pulls me under. I get a breath just before my face is submerged and I see none other than Emmett himself. I roll my eyes and break the surface, getting another deep breath. I splash Emmett just as he resurfaces, getting him full in the face. "You're so funny, Emmett, truly." He grins and splashes me back. I narrow my eyes playfully. "Oh, you're in for it now."

We spend most of the morning playing around in the water, acting like little kids. After we're too tired to stand up we head back to land and lay on the shore, our legs in the water. We just lie there for a while, content in each other's company. Emmett rolls onto his side, facing me, so I roll onto mine, facing him. He looks like he has something important to say. Which is odd, because he never keeps anything from me. "What is it?"

"How do you always know?" I touch the tip of my finger to his nose.

"You've got this look on your face. So tell me, what's going on?" His nose scrunches up in the cutest way when he's thinking hard about something. The way he looks at me makes me sit up a little straighter. This is big, I can just tell.

"Don't interrupt, just listen, okay? I need to get this out." I smile and take his hand. "You know how I'm done school and working at my father's law firm with my brothers. He wants me to join them soon. I've never questioned it, it's just something I've always thought I would do. I didn't really start to think about it until a couple months ago. And I realized it's not what I want to do with my life. I don't like the thought of sitting indoors all day long, reading about the innocent and the guilty. It doesn't appeal to me in the same way it did when I was younger."

"So what are you going to do?" This is news to me. I always thought he'd follow along, just like his brother's before him.

"I told you not to interrupt, remember?" I lock my lips closed and smile. "Anyway, I've really thought about it and I've found that I want something more in my life. I want to go places and I want to see things. I want to sleep in tents and travel by foot. I want to do all of this, and I want you to do it with me." It takes me a minute, but I finally get what he's telling me.

"You... want me to.. marry you?" He reaches behind him to his shirt I hadn't realized was there and pulls out a box. My heart starts beating triple time as I realize what's inside that box. Emmett gets up on one knee in front of me and takes my left hand.

"Jillian Elizabeth Marion. Would you do me the honour and the pleasure of accepting me as your husband?" When he says the word husband he opens the box to reveal a gold diamond ring. I look up into his eyes to see something I hadn't noticed was there before. Love. Lots of it. All for me. My breath catches in my chest as I look down at the ring again. It must have cost him a small fortune.

"I'm only 18, Emmett. I can't possibly.." He cuts me off my pressing his lips against mine. My hands fly up to his curly hair, running my fingers through it. He leans me back onto the grass and he lays beside me, never breaking the kiss. We've kissed before, sometimes going farther than this, but this somehow feels different. It takes me a few minutes to realize that the kiss isn't different, I'm different, we're different. I've always liked Emmett, but not until this moment had I realized that I love him.

With this new found realization I pull Emmett on top of me and wrap my legs around his waist. He responds by rolling us over so that I'm on top of him. I finally break the kiss when I'm in need of air and look down at him. All the things I never saw before are suddenly right there in plain sight on his face. I give him another long deep kiss before pulling back again.

"Yes, Emmett. I'll marry you."

Forever More, Chapter 6

I set two glasses of wine on the coffee table and sit down beside Draco. "So.." The look that he was wearing at lunch comes back to his face.

"I asked her why she seemed so skittish and quiet. She didn't want to tell me at first, but with a few well worded threats I finally got it out of her." He sighs and drains the entire glass of wine.

"And what was that?" He looks over at me, pain evident on his face.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and not heard you out. I just had no idea that what you were telling me was what was actually going on. She told me that Alex was planning to drop in, in the middle of the night, she just didn't know when. I told her she can tell him to forget it, he's not coming, especially in the middle of the night."

"Did she know what he was coming here for?" Draco shakes his head. I shove my glass over to him and he downs it.

"No, she didn't seem to have any idea. I didn't ask her outright, but kinda hinted. You know, I never did like Alex much, and now I'm liking him less and less." I nod.

"When I was talking to Bridget earlier she told me that Cheyenne never talks to anyone anymore, that she spends all her time with Alex. She doesn't even talk to Bridget anymore." Draco's eyebrows raise, just as surprised to hear that as I was. He gets up and goes into the kitchen, coming back with the bottle of wine. I frown and give him a disapproving look. "Since when do you drink so much?" He shrugs.

"I dunno. Anyway, so what do we do?"

"I don't know. We can't forbid her from seeing him, they're in the same house. But maybe we can talk some sense into her." Instead of pouring the wine into one of the glasses he takes a drink right from the bottle. I narrow my eyes at him but he doesn't seem to notice. He's usually so careful with how much he drinks. I make a mental note to talk to him about it when he's sober. He burps and I wrinkle my nose in distaste. "I think that's enough. Time for you to go to bed."

I take the bottle from him and go into the kitchen, pouring what's left of it down the drain. After locking the liquor cabinet and hiding the key somewhere Draco can't find it, I go back to the living room and roll my eyes. He's asleep on the couch, snoring loudly. I wonder if I should move him, but decide against it. I won't get any sleep if he's snoring beside me like that.

I head up the stairs and check in on the kids. All 4 are sleeping despite Draco's snoring downstairs. I decide to have a shower before going to sleep, hoping it'll calm me down so I can actually get some sleep. I have a theory that since Cheyenne knows about Alex sneaking here in the middle of the night, it won't happen, so the dreams will stop.

After my very hot and relaxing shower I climb into bed and sigh. It seems like my family is coming apart at the seams and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Except for today Draco and I have barely talked in a week. I suspect he's been drinking behind my back. I'm afraid that Cheyenne is in an abusive relationship. I wonder if 14 is too young for that. I feel like crying. Before I can wonder what I'm going to do about it, I fall asleep, completely exhausted.

**

I wake up, look at the clock, and groan mentally. Not again! It's been almost a week. I thought these dreams were over with. I get up and walk to the bedroom door, opening it and walking down the hall. This is different. I stop in front of Cheyenne's room. There's no light at the bottom of the door. My eyebrows knit together in confusion. I open the door not knowing what to expect anymore when I'm hit with cold air. It's freezing in here! I look around and suddenly realize why. Cheyenne snuck out and left her window open. I run to the window, trying to see past the trees that run along the side of the house. Nothing. No!

"No!" I jerk awake and run to the bathroom, getting there just in time to throw up.

"Bell? What's wrong?" I feel Draco kneel beside me. He pulls my hair back from my face as I wipe my forehead.

"Another dream. Cheyenne's gone."

"Gone? Gone where?" I shake my head.

"I don't know. I went into her room and she was just gone."

"Mommy?" I look behind me and almost cry with relief when I see all 4 of my children standing behind Draco. They're all looking at me with worried, sleepy faces. All except Cheyenne. Her eyes are wide and I notice she's wearing clothes and not pyjamas. Draco notices this too because his eyes narrow. I grab his hand and shake my head.

"Later." He nods reluctantly and gets up.

"Okay you kids, you can go back to bed. Mom's fine, she's just feeling a little sick." I smile reassuringly at Keera, who looks the most worried.

"I'm fine, honey. You go back to bed, okay?" She finally nods and follows her brother and sisters out of the bedroom. I get up and brush my teeth, climbing back into bed, and flopping down on my back. Why me? Why these dreams? It's only now that I notice Draco's not in the room. I'm about to call out to him when he appears at the door, dragging Cheyenne behind him.

"I think Cheyenne has a few things to say to you." She looks up at her dad and he nods toward me. She walks slowly over to the bed and sits at my feet. "Go on." She sighs and looks down at her hands then looks over at me. "We don't have all night, Cheyenne." She gets that defiant look on her face and I look at Draco, giving him my shut-up-and-let-her-talk look.

"Um, well.." She pauses.

"Were you planning to sneak out tonight?" She nods slowly. "Did you not think that I'd catch you?" She doesn't answer but I can tell by the look on her face that she hadn't thought about that. "Well I did catch you and you know you're in trouble, right?" She nods again. I sigh and look over at Draco. I assume he's already thought about a few punishments.

"Your mother and I need to talk about what your punishment is going to be. But for the time being you can expect to be cut off from everything. No owl, no t.v, no phone, no internet. If you so much as touch a pen you'll be hearing about it. Understand?" Cheyenne nods again. "Now go to bed." She looks at me as if she thinks I'll help her, but I just shake my head.

"You heard your dad." She gets up and leaves the room. A few seconds later I hear her door slam. I sigh as Draco shuts our door and comes back to lay beside me. "Think we should lock her window?" He chuckles and scoots over so he's laying right beside me. I turn the bedside lamp off and lay back down, resting my forehead against his. "Casper's still in her room."

"We'll let her have tonight. Let her warn Alex not to step 100 feet near the house." I sigh again. I'm exhausted and all I wanna do is go back to sleep.

"You're in trouble too, you know." He looks at me, confused. "The drinking. I locked the cabinet and hid the key." I feel his forehead get hot and assume he's blushing.

"I know. I looked for it the next morning."

"Did you not think I was going to catch you?" Unknowingly, I said the same words to him that I'd said to Cheyenne not 5 minutes ago.

"I was hoping you would. After our fight I'd drink after you went to bed every night." I shake my head.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" I feel him shrug.

"Didn't think you'd listen."

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore. You've got forever and then some to make it up to me." He laughs and his hand traces down my arm.

"Speaking of making up." I roll my eyes but smile.

"Oh you men, is that all you think about?" Even in the dark I can see him smile. He takes my chin in his hand and leads my lips to his. I'm hesitant at first, afraid that anything I let myself feel for him will just be because of that dream. But as things progress I realize that everything I'm feeling right now are because of right now. With that realization I give myself over to him entirely.

29 November 2011

The Impossibility Of Sensibility, Chapter 3

I'm sitting in the kitchen eating my breakfast when Emmett's older brother, Robert, comes and shoves my plate away from me. "What did you say to Emmett last night?" I look at him, confused.

"What? I didn't say anything." He pushes a finger in my face.

"Yes you did. He came into our room last night freaking out. He wouldn't tell me what, but I know it was because of you. And you're gonna tell me what." I feel tears start to well up in my eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Robert's eyes narrow and for a brief moment, I'm afraid he's going to hit me.

"I know you're lying and I'm gonna find out why. No one messes with my little brother and gets away with it. Especially not some spoiled little brat who thinks she can walk all over whoever she wants just because of who her father is. Nope, you're not getting away with this." With that he spins around and storms out of the kitchen. I stare after him, not knowing what to think. If Robert's so mad then maybe he wasn't playing a joke on me after all. But what if Robert's just pretending to be mad to scare me?

Not hungry anymore, I decide to go to my secret hiding place. I walk quickly to the backyard, hoping that I don't run into Robert again. Who knows what he'd do without anyone around to accidentally catch him. When I'm about 10 feet from the door of my place I stop. Something's wrong. There's a wall of leaves that covers the doors and whenever I leave I always place them just so. I remember back to the last time I was here, where I left them like I always do. Looking at them now, they've been moved and I'm sure someone's inside. That makes me angry. This is supposed to be my special place!

I walk the rest of the distance, pull the leaves aside, and step inside. It's a small play house that I found a few years ago. There's leaves covering it everywhere and a large tree is growing right beside it, so it's pretty much blocked from view from the outside. You'd have to really be looking to find this place. I've never told anyone about it, not even Sasha. There are too small rooms in the house. I use one as a living room and one as a bedroom. I like to sleep out here sometimes.

I hear someone bump into something and a loud crash in the other room. I quickly hide behind a big cardboard box while I wait to see who it is. I don't have to wait long as they stumble backwards out of the bedroom. I have to clamp my hands over my mouth to keep from gasping out loud. I watch as Emmett regains his footing and then curses loudly. He moves back into the room to right whatever it was he bumped into, and then he just stands in between the doors, resting against the frame. My head comes nowhere near the ceiling, but his is almost touching it.

He looks around both rooms and then goes back into the bedroom. I wonder what on earth could be so interesting, but I take the chance to stand in the middle of the living room, hands on my hips, and a glare on my face. Emmett is kind of intimidating, but nothing like his older brother. I get the feeling he wouldn't ever threaten anyone with his size, which kind of makes me feel better since he's about twice my size and at least 4 inches taller than my 4 foot 1. I put on my best brave glaring face and wait for him to come back out.

When he finally does he's looking at the floor and almost doesn't even notice me as he walks by. As he's about to open the door I clear my throat and he jumps and spins around. I have to bite the inside of my mouth to keep from smiling. "Holy shit, Jillian, you scared me!" I narrow my eyes.

"What are you doing in here?" He blinks a few times, no doubt waiting for his heart rate to go down.

"I found it and was curious. What are you doing here?" I roll my eyes.

"Isn't that obvious? This is my stuff." Instead of saying he's sorry, he suddenly cracks up laughing. My eyebrows knit together. "Why are you laughing, Emmett McCarty?" He drops down to his knees, hugging his stomach.

"The look on... your.. face. Is hilarious." I cross my arms and give him my best glare, but it just makes him laugh harder. Which results in making me smile. Somehow I can't stay mad at him. I sit down on the floor and cross my legs. I suddenly stop smiling as I remember last night. Emmett notices my change in mood and stops laughing, coming to sit beside me. "What's wrong?" More stupid tears make their way to my eyes.

"Nothing."

"Oh come on, you really expect me to believe that?" I sigh and look down at my hands.

"You left last night without telling me why." Emmett takes one of my hands and my stomach flips.

"I'm sorry. I can't really explain why I left, but I'm willing to make it up to you." I can't help but stare at our hands.

"How?"

"Anything you want starting now."

"When does that end? When you leave tomorrow?" I see him shake his head out of the corner of my eye.

"Nope. As long as you want me here."

"You mean until you start to annoy me?" He laughs quietly and runs his thumb over the back of my hand. My stomach does another flip and my heart starts beating faster. Emmett takes my chin in his right hand and guides my face to look at his. Instead of letting go, he moves his fingers to rest on my neck. I'm faintly aware that I should be embarrassed that my heart is beating so fast, but as soon as he starts lowing his face to mine, every thought leaves my head.

I didn't think it could get much better than last night's kiss, but this one beats it by a long shot. He presses his lips gently against mine, moving them in a way that feels like nothing I've ever experienced. I never thought kissing could ever make me feel so warm and cold all at the same time. I wonder what this new feeling it is that I'm experiencing. I don't get long to wonder as Emmett pulls his lips away from mine and smiles dimply at me. I hadn't noticed until now that my breathing is fast and my face is flushed. It pleases me in a way I can't quite pinpoint, to see that Emmett's is, too.

I didn't think it could get much better until he takes my right hand and kisses it. The gesture is so sweet that I can't help but smile. He smiles that dimpled smile, a smile that is quickly becoming my favourite smile, and helps me stand up. I decide to fix the bedroom later as he leads me away from my, now our, special place up to the main house.

Forever More, Chapter 5

"When's the train getting here, mommy?" I look down at Keera. She's pulling at my arm.

"Soon, I think. I bet if we're real quiet we can hear the train before it gets here." This works but probably not for long. She's almost as excited as I am to be seeing her older siblings, so I can't blame her for jumping around. I look over at Draco out of the corner of my eye. He's talking to one of the twins friend's dad. He looks over at me and catches my eye for a second before looking away. Things aren't any better between us. In fact, I'd say they're almost worse.

"Mommy! I can hear it!" I look away from Draco and sure enough, I hear the loud whistle of the train engine announcing it's arrival. The Platform suddenly gets much quieter as parents and siblings alike wait for their family members. "I can't see it! Where is it?" A few people around us chuckle.

"Shh, it's coming. It'll be here soon." She jumps up and down again, trying to get a better view. A minute or so later I finally see the bright red steam engine pulling along a train full of kids. It looks exactly as it always has. Once it finally pulls into the station I have to wait 10 more minutes before spotting Ethan amongst the sea of people. Behind him is Bridget towing along Cheyenne. She's looking behind her and waves to someone. I don't give it much thought, only wanting my kids in my arms.

"Mom! Over here!" I half drag Keera behind me as I dodge through the people toward Ethan. I almost run into him and throw my arms around him. I thought it would get easier, having 3 of my kids gone for months at a time, but it's only gotten harder.

"Ethan! Oh I've missed you guys."

"I missed you too, mom. Bridge, Cheyenne, over here!" The other two come running up to me and I take all 4 of my kids in my arms. After a minute or two I finally let go of them and take a closer look. Ethan seems to have grown at least 2 inches, making the height difference between him and his twin sister more pronounced. It looks as if he's almost taller than I am. I make a mental note to measure when we get home.

"Where's dad?" I look closer at Cheyenne, too. She doesn't seem to have changed too much. Her hair's longer and she looks skinnier, but nothing too drastic. Bridget looks exactly the same as she always does.

"He's here somewhere. Talking to Patrick's dad, I think." My 3 older kids grab their trunks and follow Keera and I through the now smaller crowd to their dad. He excuses himself from the conversation as Bridget lands him with a giant hug, then Ethan, and lastly Cheyenne. I might be reading too much into it, but she seems distracted and restless. Like she's waiting for something.

Draco leads the kids to the car while I tag along behind. I wonder what people see when they look at my family. A happy couple with a happy family? It could only be further from the truth right now. "Mom, come on! Heather said they're having a welcome home party at her house and I don't wanna be late!"

"We're not going to be late. The party isn't for another 3 hours. We're going home first anyway." Cheyenne sighs in annoyance. "And since when do you actually like going to these family things?" She's hated them since she was 7.

"Since now. Do we really have to go home first, dad?"

"Yep. Now come you lot, into the car you go." I get into the passenger seat as the kids file into the van. I notice that Cheyenne sits at the very back. Very odd for her. She usually likes to sit as close to me as she can get so she can tell me all about everything. I give Draco a look and nod back to our oldest daughter. He looks at her from the review mirror and shrugs, putting the car into gear. He surprises me by looking back over at me. "I'll talk to her later."

It's been almost 2 weeks since he's said anything but "what's for supper" and I almost have a heart attack. Even in the short amount of time that Cheyenne's been with us, it's obvious there's something going on with her. Hopefully he's noticed it too and maybe we can begin to work things out. As much as I'm dreading this dream actually coming true, I hope it comes quickly. I want to be able to hug my husband without wanting to physically attack him.

With the way Draco drives it takes us about half the time to get home than it would have taken me to drive, which gives us about 2 more hours until this party starts. I want to talk to Cheyenne but figure I'll let Draco deal with her for the time being. So, instead, I focus on my other two children. I ask Ethan to help me make lunch, listening to him tell me about the makings of his first year at the school. I get Bridget to help me clean up lunch so she can tell me all about her time there.

During lunch I noticed that Cheyenne was very quiet and Draco just looked mad. I feel bad for Bridget because I'm only half listening to what she's telling me. I'm annoyed that I won't have the chance to talk to Draco until tonight when we're back home from the party. "Mom, you okay? You're not listening."

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. I'm just a little distracted." Bridget suddenly gets a serious look on her face.

"Mom, I think there's something wrong with Cheyenne." I stop drying the bowl I'm holding and turn to face my daughter.

"Why do you think that?"

"I dunno. She's been real quiet lately and usually you can't get her to shut up. She doesn't talk to anyone anymore except Alex. They're always together, like all the time." I frown. For some reason an alarm goes off in my head.

"Have you tried talking to her?" Bridget nods.

"Yeah, but she won't talk to me anymore. We used to be almost as close as Ethan and I are. I miss her." This worries me but I can't let Bridget know that.

"I'm sure she's okay. Your dad and I will talk to her and figure it all out. Don't worry, okay?" Her ever present smile lights her face back up.

"Can I go?" I nod and she runs off. I finish drying the lunch dishes and then put them away, sitting at the table when I'm done. This new information from Bridget worries me. Without really meaning to, I think back to the dream. I think through it and new emotions seem to make themselves known. Before all I could feel was the confusion and then the passion. Now there's something else, and I'm not sure I like what I find.