Monday December 22 [32w 0d]
I yawn and stretch as best I can with my hugely protruding belly. I've been home for a few days, for the Christmas holidays, and despite my mum's assurance that she's accepted my situation, it's still tense. "What say we shop for essentials today?"
"I'm not supposed to do much." Mum's face falls, so I quickly add, "But we can walk around the shops for a bit." Her smile returns.
"Great. Ring Phoebe and see if she'd like to come. We can make it a girl's day. Order take out for dinner." I give her a look but she's turned around, heading to the kitchen. I get the feeling this over the top camaraderie is going to explode at some point. But, I do as I'm told and call Phoeb.
"Sorry sweetie, I'm busy today."
"It's the holidays. What could you possibly be doing?" I hear shuffling and whispering.
"I can't tell you. I'm sorry." My chest deflates a little. "I have to go. I'll call you later. Love you." She hangs up without waiting for a goodbye. This is very abnormal so something must be going on.
"Well, when are we picking her up?" I set the phone down and look up at mum.
"She's got other plans. It's just us."
"Great." I zone out as she explains our itinerary for the afternoon. I'm exhausted just listening to it and honestly hope this day is over soon.
+++
We've been out for a couple hours now and I'm feeling very tired, crampy, and cranky. I'm also trying very hard not to snip at my mum, but she's the only person to snip at right now. "We're almost done, dear. I know it's been a while."
"How do you plan to load this all into the car?" She's picked out a crib, bassinet, changing table, rocking chair, and a load of other things.
"Charlie is meeting us with the truck."
"Didn't you go a little overboard?" She tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear while looking at her haul.
"What? Not at all. You're going to need it eventually. Why not now?" I shrug and spot a bench a few yards away. Now that the opportunity to sit is so near, it's all I can do to drag myself over to it. "I'm going to pay for this, call Charlie, and then we'll meet him outside to load the truck." I nod, practically falling asleep.
A while later a hand touches my shoulder and I open my eyes to see Charlie smiling at me. "We're all loaded and ready to go." I stifle a huge yawn and get slowly to my feet. It's getting harder to do so the bigger my belly gets. I follow Charlie outside and to the vehicles. "Your mom had another stop before home so I offered to drive you." I nod.
"She took the truck?" Charlie gets into mum's car.
"Yeah, she said something about a buggy." I shake my head and groan. "Hey, want to stop for ice creams?"
"As long as there's no walking required, I'd love some." He laughs as he eases the car into traffic. With Christmas so close the shops are a madhouse. People and vehicles everywhere.
"I'm not supposed to say anything, because Claire is so excited, but she's been planning a shower for you. Today was partially a ruse to get you out of the house. She actually already has a buggy in the basement at home." I blink. I'd had no idea. "I'm only saying something because you're practically dead on your feet and I don't think you'd have fancied a surprise." I nod and lean my head against the head rest.
No, I wouldn't have. Thanks for telling me." He shrugs. "I'll be sure to act surprised."
+++
It's 6 PM, the party is over, there is a pink explosion in the living room, and I can barely stay awake. For the last half hour I kept nodding off between gifts. My mom had to thank everyone for coming because I couldn't string two words together. To her credit, she did a wonderful job. Phoebe was actually behind the scenes and helped decorate while I was out. Everything looked, and tasted, great.
"There is so much stuff, Bell. You'll be sorting through it for days."
"It'll give me something to do while I'm here." Phoebe and I are sitting on my bed. She stifles a yawn and I don't even bother trying anymore. "I'm beyond exhausted." She chuckles.
"Practice for baby, eh?" I lean back in my bed and sigh. I am so comfortable. "Any names picked out yet?"
"Not really. I mean, a few that I like, but nothing is speaking to me really."
"My first girl is going to be Jasmine." I open an eye to see a wistful smile on her face.
"I like that."
"I was looking through some family history recently and way, way back in the line was this sort of ruler. She wasn't a queen or anything, but was very important. I read up on her and loved her history. I've already informed Gabe." I chuckle and yawn again.
"Sounds like you're all set. Part of me feels like I should consult with Draco, but the other part wants this all to myself. I mean, yes he's accepting the role as father, but she's mine, you know?" I place my hands on my belly.
Yeah, I get it. If you two make it work he'll have plenty of say later." I smile.
"Very true." I've been feeling a lot of movements the past few minutes but suddenly there's a huge one that can be seen from the outside.
"Whoa, Bell, what is she doing in there?"
"I have no idea. Yoga?" We watch for a few minutes as baby stretches and moves around. It's fascinating. Against my better judgement, I even let Phoebe feel her move.
"Wow, that is so superbly amazing." I laugh.
"Sometimes it doesn't feel that amazing. Sometimes it downright hurts."
"Any more contractions?" I rub my belly, poke at baby, and shake my head.
"Nothing like before. I had some earlier but that was from walking so much. Braxton Hicks, I think they're called."
"Best take it as easy as you can."
"For sure. We want her to bake for a lot longer." Just then my mum pops her head in my door.
"Phoebe, your dad called. He's coming to pick you up." Mum leaves as Phoebe gets off my bed. I centre myself on the bed and stretch. Bliss.
"I'll call you tomorrow, Bellie. Sleep tight." I'm asleep before she leaves the room.
20 June 2016
17 February 2016
SEHE; Chapter 12
Monday December 08 [30w 0d]
It's been a rather quiet month. With the holidays coming up soon the professors have been piling on the school work. I haven't seen much of Draco, other than in our one shared class. I've been trying to write back to my mother, but each time I put quill to parchment my brain stops working. I explained this in a letter to Phoebe, so hopefully she's relayed the message to my mum.
Currently I'm in the library studying with Lena. Trying to study, more like. I've been very uncomfortable all morning and it's hard to concentrate. Lena looks at me as I shift for the millionth time. "Are you all right?"
"I don't know. I'm achy all over." Her eyebrows squinch together.
"Should we go see Madame P?" I shake my head.
"No, I don't think so. I'm 30 weeks, it's likely normal."
"Still." I cut off her argument.
"If it doesn't stop by tomorrow I'll go, okay?" She nods, but reluctantly. For the next bit I see her glancing at me often, so to get out of the library I decide I need to pee. "And no, you don't need to come." She makes a silly face as I get up. Instead of going directly to the toilets, because I know I'll need to go eventually, I walk around a little first. Sitting for too long makes me uncomfortable.
As I'm wandering down the hallway I happen upon Keelan. He's been avoiding me since his conversation with Draco during the Halloween dance. I haven't been all that keen to talk to him anyway, but his behaviour is just sad. We were best friends for years and he decides to give it up simply because he can't step up and be a dad.
When he notices me he stops short and just kind of stares at me. I know my tummy is getting big, but it makes me self-conscious. After a few seconds he turns around to leave and as he does a sudden, intense pain runs up my back and down my legs. A surprised cry escapes me and I hold the wall to keep from falling down. I sink to my knees as a precaution as tears make their way down my cheeks. Another pain hits me, this one worse than the first one, and I cry out again.
I'm vaguely aware of someone walking up to me but my eyes are closed so I don't know who it is. The after pain is terrible and my stomach is tight and painful. A sudden realization dawns on me. This could be premature labour. I open my eyes to see Keelan kneeling on the floor in front of me. "Are you okay?"
"No, I don't think so. Could you help me to the hospital?" To my utmost surprise, he does. He helps me up and half-supports me as we make our way to Madame P. There are a few people in there when he opens the door. They're all wearing Quidditch uniforms. I'd forgotten there was a match today. I don't think much of it until I spot Draco sitting on a cot, a bandage covering his head and his arm. I disengage myself from Keelan and make my way to Draco. He sees me and practically jumps off the cot.
"Bell! Are you okay?" I still have some pains but they're not near as bad as a few minutes ago.
"I'm fine. Are you all right?" He waves off my concern.
"Normal Quidditch stuff. Harlan missed the bludger and broke my arm. Bludger grazed my head." I look over at Jasper Harlan. He's a 4th year. Madame P is tapping his nose, which is gushing blood. I look accusingly at Draco.
"And just what happened to him, I dare ask?" To Draco's credit he looks embarrassed, but only for a second.
"I may or may not have retaliated by kicking him in the face. S'not my fault his nose was there." I just shake my head as Draco takes me in a hug. I suddenly remember Keelan and look behind me, but he's left. I feel bad now. "Did I see you with Richards?"
"Ahm, yes, you did."
"Why?" I pull away and subconsciously rub my stomach.
"It's not important." I look up at Draco and I can tell he doesn't believe me, but he doesn't press it.
"Mr Malfoy, you're free to go." Draco takes my hand but I pull back.
"I need to see Madame P for a second. No, you don't need to stay. I'll catch you later, okay?" He looks as if he's going to argue, but decides against it. After he leaves I sit on a cot and wait for Madame P to finish with the other student. As I'm waiting another pain shoots through my body and I'm doubled over when she finally comes to me. When the pain subsides she hands me a glass of water.
"I've been achy all morning and these pains started maybe half an hour ago."
"If I didn't know any better, dear, I'd say they're contractions." A few tears spill over.
"I have ten weeks left. I can't have her now."
"Of course not, dear girl. We'll get them stopped and you'll be just fine. As a precaution you'll be set to bed rest. Hopefully not until you deliver, but we'll monitor you closely." I sigh with relief. Madame P mixes together a potion that she says will stop my contractions. After I drink it I have to say I feel a million times better. After the potion I want to go down to lunch but I'm told I have to stay the night for observation.
"But what about classes?"
"I will let your professors know and someone will bring your school work to you." It just occurs to me then that Lena was expecting me back and is probably worried about me now.
"My books are in the library with Lena. And I'll need some things from my dormitory." She purses her lips while she thinks.
"I shall fetch Miss Greene and she can gather some things for you." I nod and sit back on the bed. I'd hoped she would let me to at least the library, but no such luck. Though now that I'm sitting and comfortable, I find I'm exhausted. So while I wait for Lena to get here I doze off.
+++
Friday December 12 [30w 4d]
It's been four days of bed rest and I think I'm going slightly insane. I'm stuck in bed until Monday before classes and I've asked Lena to knock me out until then but she won't do it. My correspondence with Phoebe has really picked up so that's something, but I'm getting real tired of sitting in bed all day long.
A few girl friends have come by to see how I'm doing, but the only person I really want to see is Draco. We write a couple times a day and he assures me Monday will come before I know it. Even then I have to take it easy and stay off my feet as much as possible. If the contractions start up again I'll be confined to my bed for the duration of the pregnancy. I don't know how I'm going to manage that with my classes.
With all of my free time I decided to finally get that letter written to my mother. To my surprise I got a reply from her the next day. I hope our relationship mends itself, especially because I'm going home for the Christmas holiday. I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to talk then. "Hi sweetheart." I look up from my book to see Lena coming into the dorm.
"Hi there. How was Transfiguration?" I grin. Lena and Melissa Dilly have been fighting for top scores almost our entire time at Hogwarts. Lena finally bested her with a spell we learned last week.
"Oh don't even ask. Melissa got it perfectly, of course, and I had one small inaccuracy." I chuckle while I mark my place and put the book aside. "The NEWTs are going to drive me crazy. You're so-" She stops, but I know what she was going to say.
"It's okay, Len. I'm still upset but I've come to terms with it. It's not like I'll never graduate, it's just going to be a year or two late." Lena smiles sadly. "Besides, I think I'm finally happy about the pregnancy and subsequent infant."
"You think so?" I nod and adjust my sitting position.
"Yeah, I do. I'm confident now that I'm not going to be doing this on my own. I've got my mom, Charlie, and half a dozen brothers. I've got you and Phoebe. And apparently now I've got Draco." Her smile turns happy.
"We all love you, honey. And you know I love you the most, right?" She winks and I laugh.
"Are you going to visit during the holiday?" She crosses her legs and rests her chin on her hand.
"I'm going to try to. Mum had mentioned something about seeing auntie Gertrude in Scotland. If we don't go I'll definitely visit."
"Oh I'm jealous. Make sure you bring me back something fabulous."
It's been a rather quiet month. With the holidays coming up soon the professors have been piling on the school work. I haven't seen much of Draco, other than in our one shared class. I've been trying to write back to my mother, but each time I put quill to parchment my brain stops working. I explained this in a letter to Phoebe, so hopefully she's relayed the message to my mum.
Currently I'm in the library studying with Lena. Trying to study, more like. I've been very uncomfortable all morning and it's hard to concentrate. Lena looks at me as I shift for the millionth time. "Are you all right?"
"I don't know. I'm achy all over." Her eyebrows squinch together.
"Should we go see Madame P?" I shake my head.
"No, I don't think so. I'm 30 weeks, it's likely normal."
"Still." I cut off her argument.
"If it doesn't stop by tomorrow I'll go, okay?" She nods, but reluctantly. For the next bit I see her glancing at me often, so to get out of the library I decide I need to pee. "And no, you don't need to come." She makes a silly face as I get up. Instead of going directly to the toilets, because I know I'll need to go eventually, I walk around a little first. Sitting for too long makes me uncomfortable.
As I'm wandering down the hallway I happen upon Keelan. He's been avoiding me since his conversation with Draco during the Halloween dance. I haven't been all that keen to talk to him anyway, but his behaviour is just sad. We were best friends for years and he decides to give it up simply because he can't step up and be a dad.
When he notices me he stops short and just kind of stares at me. I know my tummy is getting big, but it makes me self-conscious. After a few seconds he turns around to leave and as he does a sudden, intense pain runs up my back and down my legs. A surprised cry escapes me and I hold the wall to keep from falling down. I sink to my knees as a precaution as tears make their way down my cheeks. Another pain hits me, this one worse than the first one, and I cry out again.
I'm vaguely aware of someone walking up to me but my eyes are closed so I don't know who it is. The after pain is terrible and my stomach is tight and painful. A sudden realization dawns on me. This could be premature labour. I open my eyes to see Keelan kneeling on the floor in front of me. "Are you okay?"
"No, I don't think so. Could you help me to the hospital?" To my utmost surprise, he does. He helps me up and half-supports me as we make our way to Madame P. There are a few people in there when he opens the door. They're all wearing Quidditch uniforms. I'd forgotten there was a match today. I don't think much of it until I spot Draco sitting on a cot, a bandage covering his head and his arm. I disengage myself from Keelan and make my way to Draco. He sees me and practically jumps off the cot.
"Bell! Are you okay?" I still have some pains but they're not near as bad as a few minutes ago.
"I'm fine. Are you all right?" He waves off my concern.
"Normal Quidditch stuff. Harlan missed the bludger and broke my arm. Bludger grazed my head." I look over at Jasper Harlan. He's a 4th year. Madame P is tapping his nose, which is gushing blood. I look accusingly at Draco.
"And just what happened to him, I dare ask?" To Draco's credit he looks embarrassed, but only for a second.
"I may or may not have retaliated by kicking him in the face. S'not my fault his nose was there." I just shake my head as Draco takes me in a hug. I suddenly remember Keelan and look behind me, but he's left. I feel bad now. "Did I see you with Richards?"
"Ahm, yes, you did."
"Why?" I pull away and subconsciously rub my stomach.
"It's not important." I look up at Draco and I can tell he doesn't believe me, but he doesn't press it.
"Mr Malfoy, you're free to go." Draco takes my hand but I pull back.
"I need to see Madame P for a second. No, you don't need to stay. I'll catch you later, okay?" He looks as if he's going to argue, but decides against it. After he leaves I sit on a cot and wait for Madame P to finish with the other student. As I'm waiting another pain shoots through my body and I'm doubled over when she finally comes to me. When the pain subsides she hands me a glass of water.
"I've been achy all morning and these pains started maybe half an hour ago."
"If I didn't know any better, dear, I'd say they're contractions." A few tears spill over.
"I have ten weeks left. I can't have her now."
"Of course not, dear girl. We'll get them stopped and you'll be just fine. As a precaution you'll be set to bed rest. Hopefully not until you deliver, but we'll monitor you closely." I sigh with relief. Madame P mixes together a potion that she says will stop my contractions. After I drink it I have to say I feel a million times better. After the potion I want to go down to lunch but I'm told I have to stay the night for observation.
"But what about classes?"
"I will let your professors know and someone will bring your school work to you." It just occurs to me then that Lena was expecting me back and is probably worried about me now.
"My books are in the library with Lena. And I'll need some things from my dormitory." She purses her lips while she thinks.
"I shall fetch Miss Greene and she can gather some things for you." I nod and sit back on the bed. I'd hoped she would let me to at least the library, but no such luck. Though now that I'm sitting and comfortable, I find I'm exhausted. So while I wait for Lena to get here I doze off.
+++
Friday December 12 [30w 4d]
It's been four days of bed rest and I think I'm going slightly insane. I'm stuck in bed until Monday before classes and I've asked Lena to knock me out until then but she won't do it. My correspondence with Phoebe has really picked up so that's something, but I'm getting real tired of sitting in bed all day long.
A few girl friends have come by to see how I'm doing, but the only person I really want to see is Draco. We write a couple times a day and he assures me Monday will come before I know it. Even then I have to take it easy and stay off my feet as much as possible. If the contractions start up again I'll be confined to my bed for the duration of the pregnancy. I don't know how I'm going to manage that with my classes.
With all of my free time I decided to finally get that letter written to my mother. To my surprise I got a reply from her the next day. I hope our relationship mends itself, especially because I'm going home for the Christmas holiday. I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to talk then. "Hi sweetheart." I look up from my book to see Lena coming into the dorm.
"Hi there. How was Transfiguration?" I grin. Lena and Melissa Dilly have been fighting for top scores almost our entire time at Hogwarts. Lena finally bested her with a spell we learned last week.
"Oh don't even ask. Melissa got it perfectly, of course, and I had one small inaccuracy." I chuckle while I mark my place and put the book aside. "The NEWTs are going to drive me crazy. You're so-" She stops, but I know what she was going to say.
"It's okay, Len. I'm still upset but I've come to terms with it. It's not like I'll never graduate, it's just going to be a year or two late." Lena smiles sadly. "Besides, I think I'm finally happy about the pregnancy and subsequent infant."
"You think so?" I nod and adjust my sitting position.
"Yeah, I do. I'm confident now that I'm not going to be doing this on my own. I've got my mom, Charlie, and half a dozen brothers. I've got you and Phoebe. And apparently now I've got Draco." Her smile turns happy.
"We all love you, honey. And you know I love you the most, right?" She winks and I laugh.
"Are you going to visit during the holiday?" She crosses her legs and rests her chin on her hand.
"I'm going to try to. Mum had mentioned something about seeing auntie Gertrude in Scotland. If we don't go I'll definitely visit."
"Oh I'm jealous. Make sure you bring me back something fabulous."
14 January 2016
SEHE; Chapter 11
NOTE: I'm saddened by the news of Alan Rickman's passing. My thoughts are with his family and friends during the days and months to come.
Wednesday November 12 [26w 2d]
Draco and I still haven't had a chance to really talk. In all honesty, I've been trying to avoid him. We only have a couple classes together so it's been pretty easy, but we both have Thursday afternoons off so I know I can't avoid this conversation any longer. He catches me as I'm finishing my lunch and gets a few looks as he sits beside me. "Hello, Bell."
"Good afternoon, Draco."
"Care to join me for a walk?" I contemplate this. It's getting colder and is starting to frost. I've already almost slipped once while walking to a class.
"Maybe just inside the castle. I almost fell on Monday." He nods and sits beside me as I finish my drink. I can hear whispers while we walk away from the table. "So what's on your mind?"
"I think you know already. Have you thought at all about what I told you?"
"Yes. Quite a lot." I can tell he's itching to ask but I know he's too proud to beg. "I had no idea how deeply your feelings run, but I am so very flattered. I'd be lying if I said I don't reciprocate, but as for how much, I'm not really sure yet. It seems like it's been a long time, but Keelan and I broke up only a couple months ago. I'm carrying his baby, I've had more duties as a Prefect, tons of homework, and so forth. I haven't really had time to sit down and dissect my feelings for you." I stop him and take his hand. "But I do know this. I know that I like you. I know that, given the time, I could likely love you. And I know that the thought of being with you after we leave school makes me happy."
A smile lights Draco's face. Without looking around to see if anyone is watching he leans down and kisses me right in the middle of the corridor. After a few seconds he pulls away, the smile still on his lips. "That's all I want, Bell. Just time with you." I smile up at him.
"Then time you shall have." I'm not sure how long, but we have one of those moments. Where nothing else exists. All too quickly, it's over and I'm aware of my surroundings. Ones that include Lena standing with her hands on her hips, grinning at us like an idiot. I smile shyly as Draco takes my hand. Lena walks over to us still grinning. "I think that smile is going to fall off your face if it gets any bigger." She laughs.
"Can't I be happy for my best friend? I do have a message for you from Flitwick. He'd like to see you at your earliest convenience. Nothing bad, I assume. He didn't look angry. In fact, he looked downright merry."
"All right. I'll head up and see him now. I'll catch you before dinner, Draco?" He nods and kisses my cheek before walking in the direction of his common room. "Want to walk with me?"
"Sorry, I'm meeting Melanie in the library. He's in the staffroom." I sigh in relief. His office is on the seventh floor. I don't really fancy walking all the way up there right this moment as it's getting harder to do so. I knock on the door of the staffroom and ask to speak with Flitwick. A few minutes later he bustles out of the room.
"Ah, miss Leed! Would you mind taking a short walk with me? I have a thing or two I'd like to discuss."
"Sure. Is there something wrong?"
"Oh no, dear girl, nothing of the sort. I wanted to inquire as to your immediate plans for the duration of your pregnancy, and after your baby is born."
"Oh! Uhm, well I hadn't really thought of that, I suppose. To be frank, I don't really know what I'm going to do."
"I've had myself a conversation with Professor Dumbledore. He has decided to give you one of the extra living quarters as a sort of temporary living arrangement until you deliver. Of course, afterward you will need to find somewhere more suitable for an infant." My head is spinning. I had no idea anyone really cared that much, let alone the headmaster using space in his brain to think of me.
"That would be fantastic, professor! Truly."
"Not a problem, not a trouble." I feel like I could hug him, I'm so happy. "How have you been doing?"
"Quite well. I'm really enjoying classes."
"Wonderful. Now, for the difficult bit, miss Leed. It is a worry as to how you will continue with your studies after the delivery." My heart falls to my feet.
"Right, of course."
"There is no shame in returning next year to finish up what you need. Plenty of students before you have done it and you won't be the last." I feel an intense need to cry.
"I understand, professor."
"I am sorry, miss Leed." I shake my head.
"Oh no, of course it happens this way. I couldn't possibly keep up my studies away from the school, with a newborn no less. I'll just have to graduate a little later than I'd planned, is all." Flitwick stops walking and turns toward me.
"You're a bright girl. You'll do very well. If you'll excuse me though, I have some matters to attend to." I nod and wait until he's around the corner to let the tears out. I slump down the wall and sit on the floor, letting the emotions of the last 10 minutes roll down my cheeks. First, the elation of a private living quarters and second, the devastation in learning I won't graduate on time.
I realize right then that I hadn't really thought about just how much my life would change after the baby is born. I feel stupid for not coming to this sooner. I look up quickly when I hear footsteps coming down the corridor. I hastily wipe the tears off my face and stand up as fast as I can manage. A few 5th year Hufflepuffs walk by me and smile. I try my best to smile back but I know it's halfhearted.
"Bell!" I turn around at my name to see Lena walking up the corridor. "Oh no, are you okay?"
"Ah, no, not really. Well, sort of. I don't know. I have a couple things to talk about." She looks concerned.
"Want to head up to the dorm?" I nod and she takes my arm, steering me to the staircases.
"I really wish we didn't have seven flights of stairs to go up."
"I know, honey. Take your time, I'm in no rush."
+++
Once we make it to our dormitory I tell Lena about my conversation with Flitwick. She's equally as excited about the living quarters as I was. And sad for me about my delayed graduation. "Oh no! I'm so sorry, Bell." I shake my head and wipe a few more tears off my face.
"Well, really, what did I think? That I'd manage to keep up with studying and coursework and papers all while juggling the responsibilities of a newborn?" I sigh deeply. "I don't know what I'm going to do once she comes, really. I don't know if I can live with my mother and a baby. I know she'll try to force her opinions on me."
"Didn't Draco say he wants to live with you?"
"Well sure, but I'd rather live at home than alone. He'll still be here. I guess my only option really, is to live at home."
"You'll just have to explain to your mum that it's your baby and she's gran."
"You're right." Lena smiles so I nudge her leg with my toe. I also have a minor heart attack when an owl clatters at the window and screeches to be let in. Lena quickly opens the window, the owl drops a letter onto my lap, and then flies back outside.
"Who's it from?" I open the envelope and several pieces of paper come out. One is from my mother, the others are from Phoebe.
"Mainly Phoebe." I've been kind of neglecting my correspondence with her lately.
"I'll leave you to it." I start with the paper from my mum. I haven't written to her yet as I've been waiting for her to write to me.
Dear Annabel,
I hope you're doing well. Phoebe has kept us all updated on you and the pregnancy. I'm very excited to hear that the baby is a girl. You're going to love having a girl.
Truthfully I had expected a letter before now, but I'm not angry. I know I reacted badly. But, I've taken a lot of time to think.
You will always have a place here at home. Please don't ever feel like you're unwelcome. I would really like to help you once the baby comes. You're going to need a lot of it. I know I'm only the nan and I'll try my hardest to remember that.
I love you Bell. I look forward to your reply.
I stare at the paper, completely dumbfounded. I had never expected this of her. And for the first time today, I think maybe everything will be okay.
Wednesday November 12 [26w 2d]
Draco and I still haven't had a chance to really talk. In all honesty, I've been trying to avoid him. We only have a couple classes together so it's been pretty easy, but we both have Thursday afternoons off so I know I can't avoid this conversation any longer. He catches me as I'm finishing my lunch and gets a few looks as he sits beside me. "Hello, Bell."
"Good afternoon, Draco."
"Care to join me for a walk?" I contemplate this. It's getting colder and is starting to frost. I've already almost slipped once while walking to a class.
"Maybe just inside the castle. I almost fell on Monday." He nods and sits beside me as I finish my drink. I can hear whispers while we walk away from the table. "So what's on your mind?"
"I think you know already. Have you thought at all about what I told you?"
"Yes. Quite a lot." I can tell he's itching to ask but I know he's too proud to beg. "I had no idea how deeply your feelings run, but I am so very flattered. I'd be lying if I said I don't reciprocate, but as for how much, I'm not really sure yet. It seems like it's been a long time, but Keelan and I broke up only a couple months ago. I'm carrying his baby, I've had more duties as a Prefect, tons of homework, and so forth. I haven't really had time to sit down and dissect my feelings for you." I stop him and take his hand. "But I do know this. I know that I like you. I know that, given the time, I could likely love you. And I know that the thought of being with you after we leave school makes me happy."
A smile lights Draco's face. Without looking around to see if anyone is watching he leans down and kisses me right in the middle of the corridor. After a few seconds he pulls away, the smile still on his lips. "That's all I want, Bell. Just time with you." I smile up at him.
"Then time you shall have." I'm not sure how long, but we have one of those moments. Where nothing else exists. All too quickly, it's over and I'm aware of my surroundings. Ones that include Lena standing with her hands on her hips, grinning at us like an idiot. I smile shyly as Draco takes my hand. Lena walks over to us still grinning. "I think that smile is going to fall off your face if it gets any bigger." She laughs.
"Can't I be happy for my best friend? I do have a message for you from Flitwick. He'd like to see you at your earliest convenience. Nothing bad, I assume. He didn't look angry. In fact, he looked downright merry."
"All right. I'll head up and see him now. I'll catch you before dinner, Draco?" He nods and kisses my cheek before walking in the direction of his common room. "Want to walk with me?"
"Sorry, I'm meeting Melanie in the library. He's in the staffroom." I sigh in relief. His office is on the seventh floor. I don't really fancy walking all the way up there right this moment as it's getting harder to do so. I knock on the door of the staffroom and ask to speak with Flitwick. A few minutes later he bustles out of the room.
"Ah, miss Leed! Would you mind taking a short walk with me? I have a thing or two I'd like to discuss."
"Sure. Is there something wrong?"
"Oh no, dear girl, nothing of the sort. I wanted to inquire as to your immediate plans for the duration of your pregnancy, and after your baby is born."
"Oh! Uhm, well I hadn't really thought of that, I suppose. To be frank, I don't really know what I'm going to do."
"I've had myself a conversation with Professor Dumbledore. He has decided to give you one of the extra living quarters as a sort of temporary living arrangement until you deliver. Of course, afterward you will need to find somewhere more suitable for an infant." My head is spinning. I had no idea anyone really cared that much, let alone the headmaster using space in his brain to think of me.
"That would be fantastic, professor! Truly."
"Not a problem, not a trouble." I feel like I could hug him, I'm so happy. "How have you been doing?"
"Quite well. I'm really enjoying classes."
"Wonderful. Now, for the difficult bit, miss Leed. It is a worry as to how you will continue with your studies after the delivery." My heart falls to my feet.
"Right, of course."
"There is no shame in returning next year to finish up what you need. Plenty of students before you have done it and you won't be the last." I feel an intense need to cry.
"I understand, professor."
"I am sorry, miss Leed." I shake my head.
"Oh no, of course it happens this way. I couldn't possibly keep up my studies away from the school, with a newborn no less. I'll just have to graduate a little later than I'd planned, is all." Flitwick stops walking and turns toward me.
"You're a bright girl. You'll do very well. If you'll excuse me though, I have some matters to attend to." I nod and wait until he's around the corner to let the tears out. I slump down the wall and sit on the floor, letting the emotions of the last 10 minutes roll down my cheeks. First, the elation of a private living quarters and second, the devastation in learning I won't graduate on time.
I realize right then that I hadn't really thought about just how much my life would change after the baby is born. I feel stupid for not coming to this sooner. I look up quickly when I hear footsteps coming down the corridor. I hastily wipe the tears off my face and stand up as fast as I can manage. A few 5th year Hufflepuffs walk by me and smile. I try my best to smile back but I know it's halfhearted.
"Bell!" I turn around at my name to see Lena walking up the corridor. "Oh no, are you okay?"
"Ah, no, not really. Well, sort of. I don't know. I have a couple things to talk about." She looks concerned.
"Want to head up to the dorm?" I nod and she takes my arm, steering me to the staircases.
"I really wish we didn't have seven flights of stairs to go up."
"I know, honey. Take your time, I'm in no rush."
+++
Once we make it to our dormitory I tell Lena about my conversation with Flitwick. She's equally as excited about the living quarters as I was. And sad for me about my delayed graduation. "Oh no! I'm so sorry, Bell." I shake my head and wipe a few more tears off my face.
"Well, really, what did I think? That I'd manage to keep up with studying and coursework and papers all while juggling the responsibilities of a newborn?" I sigh deeply. "I don't know what I'm going to do once she comes, really. I don't know if I can live with my mother and a baby. I know she'll try to force her opinions on me."
"Didn't Draco say he wants to live with you?"
"Well sure, but I'd rather live at home than alone. He'll still be here. I guess my only option really, is to live at home."
"You'll just have to explain to your mum that it's your baby and she's gran."
"You're right." Lena smiles so I nudge her leg with my toe. I also have a minor heart attack when an owl clatters at the window and screeches to be let in. Lena quickly opens the window, the owl drops a letter onto my lap, and then flies back outside.
"Who's it from?" I open the envelope and several pieces of paper come out. One is from my mother, the others are from Phoebe.
"Mainly Phoebe." I've been kind of neglecting my correspondence with her lately.
"I'll leave you to it." I start with the paper from my mum. I haven't written to her yet as I've been waiting for her to write to me.
Dear Annabel,
I hope you're doing well. Phoebe has kept us all updated on you and the pregnancy. I'm very excited to hear that the baby is a girl. You're going to love having a girl.
Truthfully I had expected a letter before now, but I'm not angry. I know I reacted badly. But, I've taken a lot of time to think.
You will always have a place here at home. Please don't ever feel like you're unwelcome. I would really like to help you once the baby comes. You're going to need a lot of it. I know I'm only the nan and I'll try my hardest to remember that.
I love you Bell. I look forward to your reply.
I stare at the paper, completely dumbfounded. I had never expected this of her. And for the first time today, I think maybe everything will be okay.
04 January 2016
SEHE; Chapter 10
Sunday November 09 [25w 6d]
I spend the next week keeping to myself as much as possible. I even ignore Lena, preferring to work through my feelings on my own. I know no one will understand why I'm upset. Keelan cheated on me, spread rumours about me, and then backed out of being a father to his baby. Part of me doesn't understand why I'm so bothered. But there's a part that wishes he would step up and be a father. And that's the part I'm letting take over.
Now that everyone knows about the pregnancy it seems my belly is growing by the hour. Gossiping hasn't yet died down - not that I expected it to. I do wish they would find something else to yammer about. Going for meals is getting tedious. Looks and whispers.
After lunch I walk to the library to study and find myself cornered by Lena and Draco. Lena looks angry and Draco just looks nervous. "What's going on, Bell?" I shift my feet and shrug, looking at my books.
"I've been going through some stuff." I catch Lena roll her eyes.
"Well no bloody kidding." There's a few minutes of awkward silence. "Why are you shutting me out?" I glance around the library. This is hardly the place for this type of conversation.
"Can we go somewhere else and talk?" Both of my friends agree and we walk to a place down the corridor with a place for me to sit. I sigh and pick a piece of lint off my sweater. "I'm sorry for ignoring you both. It hasn't been entirely intentional. I just don't feel like you'll understand why I'm upset."
"Draco filled me in on what Keelan said. I know he isn't sticking around." I nod and look at my shoes.
"He's hurt me, yes. But he's still the father to my baby. It hurts me that he doesn't want it." Lena sits beside me.
"I can't pretend to know how you feel, Bell, but I'm not a complete dunce. I'm your friend and if this upsets you then I'll do my best to sympathize. Even if I do want to kick his ass." She takes my hand and I smile at her, tears leaking their way down my cheeks. Draco squats down so he's eye level with me.
"I also have no idea what this is like for you, but I wasn't lying when I said I was in this with you." There's a sudden intensity in his eyes that kind of scares me. He takes both my hands and squeezes them lightly. "In fact I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little jealous of Richards because he's spent the last 6 years as your best friend."
"What are you saying?" I can feel my heart beating in my entire body.
"I'm saying that I love you, Annabel. I'm saying that I want to spend the rest of my life being your best friend and your partner." My heart seems to stop and I just stare into Draco's eyes.
"We're 17, Draco. I'm pregnant." He clutches my hands a little tighter.
"So what? I've always wanted to be a father. My mother would love to have a grandchild."
"I'm not a pureblood." We both know it would be an issue for his family for him to be involved with someone that isn't 'pure'. "I know you don't care about my blood, but you'd be cast out and I won't do that to you." Draco stands up. There is anger in his eyes.
"You know what? I don't care. My family hasn't done anything that I consider to be great. They support Voldemort and ruin other people's lives. I don't want any part of that life. If being with you means that I'm exiled then so be it. I choose a life with you in it." I'd all but forgotten about Lena when she suddenly shifts beside me. I look at her, not knowing what to think.
"I think I need to think about what you've told me, Draco." He looks hurt so I stand up and rest my hands on his shoulders. "It's a lot to take in. I just need to mull it all over." He smiles shyly and nods. "I'll see you tomorrow in class, okay?" He hesitates, gives me a quick hug, then walks off down the corridor.
+++
It's near 11 that night before Lena and I get time to talk properly. It has given me time to think to myself about what Draco's told me. I'd honestly rather just go to sleep but I know Lena has been bursting to talk with me about it all. "So, Bell, was that as unexpected for you as it was for me?" She's currently painting my toenails a vibrant shade of purple.
"Yes. I mean, he's told me he likes me and has for a while, but I didn't know how deeply until he said all those things. I always assumed his family's opinions about Muggle borns ran deeper."
"He certainly hasn't acted to the contrary." There's silence as she concentrates on my toes. "How do you feel about him?"
"I like him. I haven't had enough time to love him, but I'm sure I could." She nods. "He seems to be completely accepting of the fact that I'm a teenage mother. Her own father hasn't even accepted it."
"I'm sorry about that, Bell, really. I seriously dislike the bastard, but if it upsets you then it upsets me." She gives an unpainted toe a small squeeze and I smile down at her.
"I know it doesn't make any sense. I don't really understand it myself." I pause, wondering if I want to admit this out loud. I decide I do. "If I'm completely honest, Lena, I really did think we were going to last forever. I had my life planned out and he was in every bit of it. I guess I'm still trying to come to terms with a future that won't happen anymore." She sighs deeply.
"I know, honey."
"I wish he wasn't such a prat that he could at least be a father, even though I don't want him anymore."
"I guess he's just not strong enough to realize he can be one without the other."
"Maybe." I suddenly feel weepy and deeply grateful that I have Lena. She's helped me through so much and continues to prove that she's a great friend. "I want to thank you."
"Oh please, this is nothing, Bell. Can you even reach your feet anymore?" I chuckle.
"Not about that. About you. You're a wonderful person and an amazing friend. I'm very lucky." A smile lights up her face.
"It's been my pleasure. I know I can be a handful at times, and it isn't difficult being your friend. You're a lovely person." I feel a swell of friendship in my chest and it spills over into tears. "Now for an important question: What colour should I paint my nails?"
I spend the next week keeping to myself as much as possible. I even ignore Lena, preferring to work through my feelings on my own. I know no one will understand why I'm upset. Keelan cheated on me, spread rumours about me, and then backed out of being a father to his baby. Part of me doesn't understand why I'm so bothered. But there's a part that wishes he would step up and be a father. And that's the part I'm letting take over.
Now that everyone knows about the pregnancy it seems my belly is growing by the hour. Gossiping hasn't yet died down - not that I expected it to. I do wish they would find something else to yammer about. Going for meals is getting tedious. Looks and whispers.
After lunch I walk to the library to study and find myself cornered by Lena and Draco. Lena looks angry and Draco just looks nervous. "What's going on, Bell?" I shift my feet and shrug, looking at my books.
"I've been going through some stuff." I catch Lena roll her eyes.
"Well no bloody kidding." There's a few minutes of awkward silence. "Why are you shutting me out?" I glance around the library. This is hardly the place for this type of conversation.
"Can we go somewhere else and talk?" Both of my friends agree and we walk to a place down the corridor with a place for me to sit. I sigh and pick a piece of lint off my sweater. "I'm sorry for ignoring you both. It hasn't been entirely intentional. I just don't feel like you'll understand why I'm upset."
"Draco filled me in on what Keelan said. I know he isn't sticking around." I nod and look at my shoes.
"He's hurt me, yes. But he's still the father to my baby. It hurts me that he doesn't want it." Lena sits beside me.
"I can't pretend to know how you feel, Bell, but I'm not a complete dunce. I'm your friend and if this upsets you then I'll do my best to sympathize. Even if I do want to kick his ass." She takes my hand and I smile at her, tears leaking their way down my cheeks. Draco squats down so he's eye level with me.
"I also have no idea what this is like for you, but I wasn't lying when I said I was in this with you." There's a sudden intensity in his eyes that kind of scares me. He takes both my hands and squeezes them lightly. "In fact I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little jealous of Richards because he's spent the last 6 years as your best friend."
"What are you saying?" I can feel my heart beating in my entire body.
"I'm saying that I love you, Annabel. I'm saying that I want to spend the rest of my life being your best friend and your partner." My heart seems to stop and I just stare into Draco's eyes.
"We're 17, Draco. I'm pregnant." He clutches my hands a little tighter.
"So what? I've always wanted to be a father. My mother would love to have a grandchild."
"I'm not a pureblood." We both know it would be an issue for his family for him to be involved with someone that isn't 'pure'. "I know you don't care about my blood, but you'd be cast out and I won't do that to you." Draco stands up. There is anger in his eyes.
"You know what? I don't care. My family hasn't done anything that I consider to be great. They support Voldemort and ruin other people's lives. I don't want any part of that life. If being with you means that I'm exiled then so be it. I choose a life with you in it." I'd all but forgotten about Lena when she suddenly shifts beside me. I look at her, not knowing what to think.
"I think I need to think about what you've told me, Draco." He looks hurt so I stand up and rest my hands on his shoulders. "It's a lot to take in. I just need to mull it all over." He smiles shyly and nods. "I'll see you tomorrow in class, okay?" He hesitates, gives me a quick hug, then walks off down the corridor.
+++
It's near 11 that night before Lena and I get time to talk properly. It has given me time to think to myself about what Draco's told me. I'd honestly rather just go to sleep but I know Lena has been bursting to talk with me about it all. "So, Bell, was that as unexpected for you as it was for me?" She's currently painting my toenails a vibrant shade of purple.
"Yes. I mean, he's told me he likes me and has for a while, but I didn't know how deeply until he said all those things. I always assumed his family's opinions about Muggle borns ran deeper."
"He certainly hasn't acted to the contrary." There's silence as she concentrates on my toes. "How do you feel about him?"
"I like him. I haven't had enough time to love him, but I'm sure I could." She nods. "He seems to be completely accepting of the fact that I'm a teenage mother. Her own father hasn't even accepted it."
"I'm sorry about that, Bell, really. I seriously dislike the bastard, but if it upsets you then it upsets me." She gives an unpainted toe a small squeeze and I smile down at her.
"I know it doesn't make any sense. I don't really understand it myself." I pause, wondering if I want to admit this out loud. I decide I do. "If I'm completely honest, Lena, I really did think we were going to last forever. I had my life planned out and he was in every bit of it. I guess I'm still trying to come to terms with a future that won't happen anymore." She sighs deeply.
"I know, honey."
"I wish he wasn't such a prat that he could at least be a father, even though I don't want him anymore."
"I guess he's just not strong enough to realize he can be one without the other."
"Maybe." I suddenly feel weepy and deeply grateful that I have Lena. She's helped me through so much and continues to prove that she's a great friend. "I want to thank you."
"Oh please, this is nothing, Bell. Can you even reach your feet anymore?" I chuckle.
"Not about that. About you. You're a wonderful person and an amazing friend. I'm very lucky." A smile lights up her face.
"It's been my pleasure. I know I can be a handful at times, and it isn't difficult being your friend. You're a lovely person." I feel a swell of friendship in my chest and it spills over into tears. "Now for an important question: What colour should I paint my nails?"
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