01 June 2012

The Boy Next Door, Chapter 14

I swim over to Adrian and lean back against the side of the pool, my elbows bent back behind me, resting on the deck. He walks over and stops a couple feet in front of me. "So what made you decide swimming at midnight was a good idea? What if I get a cramp and drown?" I hear him chuckle.

"Thought it was a good excuse to see you in a bathing suit, but it's kind of dark so it backfired on me." I'm thankful for the darkness so he can't see me blush. Which I feel like I've been doing a lot of the past couple days. Lyssa would take that as a sign that I'm into him. Maybe she's right. I almost jump when I feel fingers slide across my waist. "Someone's jumpy."

"How do I know you're really Adrian and not some type of serial killer?"

"Would a serial killer smell so good?" I roll my eyes. One of his fingers traces patterns across my stomach.

"Chyeah, to lure poor, unsuspecting Emma in. Duh. Besides, you smell like the pool." He comes one step closer and slides his other hand up my side, resting it at my ribs. I'm suddenly very aware of how my stance is making my boobs stick out, what little of them I have. I contemplate moving my arms but I'm afraid moving would interrupt whatever is going on right now.

He gives my side a slight squeeze and I feel goosebumps break out all over my skin despite how warm I feel. My breathing quickens as I feel one of his hands slide around my side and rest at the small of my back, making him step even closer to me, but not yet touching my anywhere else but with his hands. If only I were taller I would lean in and see if he kisses me, but he's a good 5 inches taller than I am.

I feel the hand that's on my back creep up and try to tug at the strings on my top. Thank goodness I double knotted them, cheeky bastard. "What do you think you're doing?" He moves closer so the front of our legs are touching.

"You got me. And here I thought I was being all sneaky." I roll my eyes and move his hand back down to my hip.

"Careful there, bub. My brother might be gay but I bet he could take you."

"If he's built anything like you I highly doubt that." I duck under his arm and turn around, walking backward to a deeper part of the pool.

"Nah. You're a twig. He'd crush you." From the light of the moon I see Adrian advancing on me. I stop when I reach the part of the pool floor that dips to make the deep end. Adrian walks up to me and I faintly see him smile.

"Wanna say that to my face?" I poke his chest with my finger, turning a little so his back is to the deep end.

"I said, you are a twig. He would beat your ass to the curb and back." Before he can reply I stick my hands on the top of his head and dunk him under the water, turning and running toward the edge of the pool before he can retaliate. I'm about half way out when his arms get me by the waist and drag me under the water with him. I wriggle out of his grasp and surface the water, getting a breath before I'm pulled under again.

I try to escape again but he won't let go, so I turn around to face him. I can see the vague outline of his head from the moonlight above the water, so I know approximately where his face is. I reach for his neck and bring my lips to his, surprising him enough so that his hold on me loosens, giving me enough room to get away. I break the water and kick around with my feet, laughing when I feel contact with some part of his arm. I get to the edge of the pool as he comes back up for air. hoisting myself up and sitting on the edge.

"Even I can kick your butt. Pretty sad." He walks up to the side of the pool and sits beside me.

"You cheat." I laugh and use my foot to splash him.

"I don't hear you complaining."

"Nope. That's the second kiss today I haven't had to even try for."

"How do you know I don't go around kissing random boys all the time?"

"Uh huh, I see how it is." I give him a shove and then lean against his arm. He rests his chin on the top of my head. Before I can stop myself I yawn and Adrian chuckles. "Wore you out huh?"

"Guess so." I hear him inhale like he's going to say something else, but then he lets the air out and is silent. All of a sudden I'm exhausted and want to go to sleep. I get up and go for my towel, picking up my keys and turning back toward Adrian.

"Where you going?" I suppress a yawn.

"To bed." He gets up and walks a few steps toward me.

"Oh. Do you, uhm.. did you want to stay at my place?" I smile and wrap my towel around my shoulders. Now that I'm not moving I'm getting chilly.

"Sure. I just need to change." I turn to the house then stop. "Want to come up?" I let myself and Adrian into the house quietly, leading him up to my room. I unlock my door and toss my keys on the bed, going to my dresser to find something to change into. His house is a tad cold so I decide on a long sleep-shirt and a pair of shorts. "I'm just going to wash my hair quick." He nods and sits on my bed.

I close the bathroom door behind me and have a quick shower, brush my teeth, and stick my hair back in a french braid. Once I'm presentable I go back into my room to see Adrian asleep on my bed. "Uh oh.. Hmm." I cross my room and stand a couple feet from my bed, wondering what to do. My dad would freak if he found a guy in my bed under his roof. I reach my arm out but before I can do anything Adrian jumps up and grabs me, pulling me over him and onto the bed. After he lets me go I sit up and shake my head. He just grins.

"I got you, admit it." I shove his legs with my feet, grab my keys and phone and get off the bed.

"I admit to nothing. Come on, let's get to your place before I fall asleep on my feet."

27 May 2012

The Boy Next Door, Chapter 13

"Where are you going?" I give Adrian an odd look.

"It's midnight, where else would I be going?" His face falls and I smile. "Relax, I'm going to the bathroom." I start to head out his bedroom door and stop. "Uh, where is it?"

"Downstairs." I make my way to the bottom floor of the house, trying to be quiet because Adrian's grandma is sleeping. I'm kind of surprised I'm still here at midnight, considering I don't usually sleep over at boy's houses when I've known them less than a week. But it feels different with Adrian. I feel like I've known him for years.

After I'm done in the bathroom I take it upon myself to check his fridge for a drink. I find two cokes and bring them back upstairs with me. I stop short when I hear Adrian talking to someone.

"Yes, I've got her. No she doesn't. Let me take care of this." I frown, wondering what, or who, he could be talking about. I decide to put it in my mental files to check up on later and walk into the room.

"Got us a drink." I toss him a coke and sit down on the bed, opening mine and taking a sip. Neither of us say anything so it's quiet for a few minutes.

"It's probably cooled down if you'd like to go for a walk."

"Moonlit walk, huh? That the best you can do?"

"You haven't seen anything yet, honey." I feel a blush creep its way up my face.

"That so? Well then give it your best shot." Suddenly Adrian leans toward me and I feel like he's going in for a kiss, so I lean slightly toward him. Only for him to reach behind me for his cell phone. My blush deepens in embarrassment.

"You're kinda cute when you're embarrassed." I roll my eyes and give him a shove.

"Shut up. So where are we going?"

"You're still the tour guide, remember?" I shake my head and stand up, stretching.

"Nope, it's after midnight. My guide duties are officially over. You're turn."

"The last time I was here I was 3, you think I remember this area any?" I smile and look down at him. He's leaning back on his elbows. The thin wife beater he's wearing leaves little to the imagination when it comes to his body. Not like I need one after seeing him half naked the other night. My eyes wander back to his face and I see a mischievous look in his eye.

"What?"

"We should go swimming in your pool." I'm about to tell him he's crazy but stop, not finding a good reason why we shouldn't.

"Fine, but I'm not going naked. I'm going to get a bathing suit first." He smiles.

"Who said anything about being naked?" I roll my eyes and grab my purse, slinging it over my shoulder.

"I'll meet you outside in 10." I make my way downstairs and out his front door, across our yards and onto my back porch. I unlock the door and quietly head up to my room, unlocking my bedroom door and shutting it behind me. I'm about to turn my light on when I remember that Adrian can see me from his room so I shut my curtain first.

I survey my options and decide to take a risk, picking one of my smaller suits. Lyssa always tells me to wear it when I want to make a guy's jaw drop. I frown, thinking of Lyssa. But instead of dwelling on it now I decide to think about it later, intent on having fun. I redo the french braid in my hair, wash my face and grab a towel, suddenly feeling nervous about being in the pool with Adrian. Which is silly, of course. We're just swimming.

I lock my bedroom door behind me and make my way to the backyard. It's dark, save for the reflection of the moon on the water. I drop my keys on the grass and lay my towel over them, sitting on the edge of the deck, waiting for Adrian. After a couple minutes I see him walking from his yard to mine. He can't see me yet because I'm covered by the house shadow. I watch him check the water temperature with his toes then glance up at where my bedroom window is.

I think about surprising him but he's positioned too far from the house for me to sneak up on him. So instead I stand up and walk over. "Made it finally." I think I see him smile but it's so dark it's hard to tell.

"I did." He looks at the pool. "Ladies first." I walk to the shallow end and stick a foot in. The water is still warm from the sun earlier in the day. It feels almost like warm bath water. I step down the ladder, sighing at the feel of the water. I've always loved swimming, ever since I was a baby. My nickname was Ducky for the longest time. I look up and catch Adrian watching me.

"Coming in or what?" He hops down into the water and makes a bit of a splash. I turn away and glance back just in time to see water come flying at me, which hits me square in the face. "What are you, 12?" I turn back to Adrian and am surprised when I don't see him. I look under the water but it's too dark to see where he is. Suddenly I feel hands on my ankles and give a shriek just before I'm pulled under. My butt hits the bottom of the pool and I float back to the surface to see Adrian an inch from my face. "Yep, you're 12, all right."

"Just having a little fun, so sue me." I grin and use his chest to kick back with my feet, flipping and going under the water. I feel fingers try to grab my toes so I kick faster and head for the far side of the pool without surfacing. I break the surface under the diving board quietly, watching Adrian look around for me. He can't see me here because the diving board shadows me. I smile as he puts his hands on his hips.

I take a deep breath and go back under, using the side of the pool to push off and glide toward him. He's wearing white trunks so it's easy to spot him. I reach my hand out and tickle his side, moving before he can spot me. The idea to tug his shorts down comes to mind, but I'm not that bold. Although frankly I doubt he'd have any trouble doing the same to me.

Instead I swim to the middle of the pool and surface, trading water as I watch him spin around. I let out a laugh and he turns toward me. "Are you a fish or something?"

"No, just real good at holding my breath. Truce?" I see him hold his hands up.

"Truce."

26 April 2012

Home Is Where The Heart Is, Chapter 7

"Horror."

"Ah, you're not one of those girls, huh."

"One of what girls?" He sticks a DVD into the player and presses play, coming to sit beside me on the bed.

"One of those girls that's afraid of a movie."

"I've never got why people get scared, they're just movies. What're we watching?"

"You'll see." I wait a few minutes for the movie menu and groan.

"Watchmen, seriously? That's not horror." He grins and shrugs.

"I was gonna put this in no matter what you said anyway. What's wrong with Watchmen?"

"I was never into the whole comic movie thing."

"So you don't like Spider Man or X-Men or any of those?" I shake my head and he mock gasps. "Well you're watching it with me anyway."

"I bet you just like the glowy blue guy cause he's naked half the movie."

"You got me." This almost makes me smile. I'm surprised to learn that I'm actually having a good time with Shay. It's been so long since I've genuinely liked the person I'm with. Huh, weird. About half way through Shay turns to me. "Want a drink? I think there's some Gatorade in the fridge upstairs."

"Sure." He gets up and leaves the room toward the kitchen upstairs. When he doesn't return five minutes later I start to wonder where he got to. I don't have to wonder for long, however, as soon I hear yelling coming from upstairs. I get off the bed and stand beside the door, trying to hear what's going on.

"...she is."

"Don't think so. Now get out or I'm calling the cops." I jump a little as I realize it's Doug. Is he really that mad that he'd come back the next day? I look around the room and spot a window near the ceiling. I climb up on the dresser and open it enough to fit through, relieved that there's no screen. I shimmy through the window and try my best to close it from the outside. I turn around and am glad to see that I'm in the backyard, away from the kitchen windows. I run across the backyard and spot a smallish hole in the fence. I run through it and take off down the street.

I run down a few streets and slow to a walk when I'm sure I won't be found by anyone I know. I turn another corner and jog down the street to my little hideout. I found it within a few months of living here and as far as I know, not a lot of other people come here. I move the board and climb inside, breathing deeply to get air back in my body.

I climb up the ladder to the second floor and crawl over to the comfiest spot I could find up here. I've gathered a few things and stored them away up here so they wouldn't get stolen. Stuff like this makes me wonder why me, but I stopped dwelling on that a long time ago. There's no point in thinking too hard about things that I can't change. I wonder sometimes what my life would be like if my mom had of lived, but that just depresses me, so I don't think about that often either.

I move a small piece of wood and look out onto the street. I didn't realize this before, but looking out from here, I can see the cross street to Geoff's street. This way I'll get some sort of advanced warning if anyone comes this way. I put the wood back and lay on my back, wondering what my next move will be. I don't have the best thing going here, but I'm not miserable. Maybe I should have taken that train ride. Now I'm too worried about Doug to go out anywhere just in case he finds me. I don't like being afraid of someone.

"Hey Mick, you in here?"

"Swift?"

"Yeah, where are yah?"

"Hang on, I'll climb down."

"Climb down?" I climb back down the ladder and walk over to Swift, standing a few feet from him.

"How'd you know I was here?"

"I saw you come in. Who the fuck is Doug?" Great.

"He's no one." He crosses his arms.

"Doesn't sound like no one to me. He's been asking around, tryin'a find you. Stupid faggy ass. I told him to fuck off." I give Swift a small smile. As annoying as he can get, he's actually an all right guy. If anyone wants to mess with me, he's usually first in line to kick their ass. "So what's the deal?"

"It's stupid. He called on me, I went to his house, he did and said stuff I wasn't comfortable with, I bit him, ran off, he's been following me."

"What the fuck? Where'd you stay last night?"

"Same place as the night before." A silly grin lights up his face. "And it was nothing like that. I think the guy's developed into a friend without me realizing it."

"I'm gonna fuckin' kick his ass." I roll my eyes.

"He's like seven feet taller than you." Swift is a mighty 5 foot nothing, but acts as if he's 10 feet tall. Gets him into trouble a lot. "Look, I've got two guys helping me out. I'd feel terrible if I was the reason you ended up in the hospital." He shakes his head and I can see his knuckles turn white. "Please?" He stops scowling, but his knuckles stay white.

"I'm not gonna sit around for long, Mickey. He's gonna get what's comin' to him." I nod and smile a little.

"I know, but just let me handle this." He finally agrees and after much convincing he leaves me alone in the building. I climb back up to my spot and end up drifting off to sleep.

The Impossibility Of Sensibility, Chapter 17

It takes a long time for me to fall asleep. Not considering Emmett's body temperature is that of the snow outside, I don't want to fall asleep and wake up to find it was all a dream. "You're still not sleeping, Jilly." I smile shyly in the darkness.

"You feel like a freezer." I feel him raise his head a little.

"Do you need another blanket?" I'm wrapped in two quilts and have another laying between us.

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I can lay farther away if you're too cold." I shake my head and grip his shirt.

"Don't even think about it." He chuckles for a second before falling quiet. I glance up at his face to see that it's very serious and thoughtful.

"What happened?" I frown.

"What do you mean?"

"To put yourself in the hospital."

"I told you how it happened. I stopped eating and -"

"No. I know what you told me, I want to hear what really happened. The Jillian I knew never would have done something so stupid." My frown deepens and I lean up on my elbow.

"The Jillian you knew doesn't exist anymore. She died the night you left." He shakes his head.

"I don't believe it. You're strong and full of life, Jill. You always have been. It's one of the things that I love about you."

"You've been gone a long time, Emmett. Things are different." I settle back down onto my pillow. "Are you ever going to see your family again?"

"No, it's too dangerous."

"Why?"

"I thought we agreed tonight was just about us. No questions." I look up to see him smiling.

"I hope my mom doesn't decide to wake me up tomorrow. That would be hard to explain."

"I'd hear her coming. Don't worry."

"Why did you come today?"

"Because of your wish."

"How do you know what I wished for?" His smile deepens.

"I have my ways. Now shush, it's late, go to sleep." I smile a little and lay back on my pillow. I don't know how he knew but I'm glad he did.

**

I step on the scale and close my eyes. Last month I weighed 111, four pounds short of the 115 minimum to stop being seen by Dr Cullen. "115 on the nose. Congratulations, Jillian." I hop off and do a dance.

"Finally. I'm so happy."

"Now, I just need to let you know that although you are of a healthy weight now, it is very easy to slip back into old habits when the threat of being hospitalized again is gone." I nod while putting on my boots.

"I know that. But I also know that I'm happier now than I've been in a very long time so I don't think that will happen, Dr Cullen." A slight smile makes it's way onto his face.

"I'm glad. And if you ever need anything you can always call me, day or night." I nod again. "If you don't have any questions you're free to go." I shake my head and stand up.

"I don't think so." Dr Cullen stands up and opens his office door for me.

"Have a good day, Jillian."

"You too, Dr Cullen. Bye!" I skip down the hall to my father, who's waiting at his usual spot. He stands up and I hug him.

"Good news, I presume?" I nod and smile up at him.

"I can stop coming!" He leads me out of the hospital and to the family car.

"That's fantastic. I'm proud of you, Jill. We'll have to celebrate."

"My birthday was just weeks ago. Don't put yourself out again." He shakes his head.

"It's no trouble at all. You deserve it." I smile, feeling like my life is coming back on track after so long. Of course not the track it was originally on, but close enough that I am content, if not down right happy. Instead of driving right home my father drives to the ice cream shop. It's a nice treat and I enjoy spending time with him. We don't do it enough.

After Father drops me off at home I go to my room and flop down on my bed, wondering if I'll see Emmett tonight. He's been over a few times since that first night and I've gotten a few questions answered. Not enough to satisfy my curiosity though. Hopefully in time everything will make sense and Emmett and I will be able to carry out our lives like we were supposed to.

One can hope, anyway.

22 April 2012

The Impossibility Of Sensibility, Chapter 16

I'm laying in bed reading a book when I hear the phone ring. I don't bother to get up because I figure someone else will get it. After the 5th ring I sigh, mark my page, and hurry down to the lobby to grab the phone.

"Hello?" No one answers. "Hello?" I wait another few seconds before getting a peculiar feeling that it's Emmett on the other end. "Emmett?" Click. I stare at the receiver before placing it back in the cradle. Why would he call just to hang up? I frown while staring at the phone.

It's been two weeks since I talked to Dr Cullen about seeing Emmett and no one's called to tell me what's going on. I've tried going to the hospital but he's always either busy or has just left. I'm beginning to wonder if this meeting is going to happen at all. "Jillian, who was that on the phone, dear?" I turn around to see my mother.

"I don't know. They hung up." She frowns as she takes off her gloves. When she looks back up at me there's a smile on her face.

"So I know your birthday isn't for a few weeks, but I was wondering if there's anything special you'd like to do? We could go into the city to the cinema and have dinner. Just the two of us." I force a smile onto my face.

"Sure, that sounds fun." Mother beams.

"Wonderful." I turn back around and walk up the stairs to my room. The only thing I want for my birthday is to see Emmett.

**

"Aren't you cold, Greg?" He laughs and shakes his head. It's freezing outside and all he's wearing is a pullover.

"Didn't you know I'm cold blooded? Like a snake." He pretends to hiss at me. I just roll my eyes. We're walking to the market to pick up stuff for my birthday dinner tomorrow. I'm going to be 19. Greg glances over at me so I look over at him. He's got a thoughtful look on his face.

"What?"

"Could I tell you something?"

"Anything."

"Do you remember meeting Addison?" I think but can't really remember.

"Not really. Why?"

"Well, I want to ask her to marry me." I stop and grab his arm.

"Really? That's great." A smile lights his face.

"You think so? I didn't want to if you didn't think it was a good idea." We continue walking.

"Why wouldn't I think it's a good idea?" He hesitates and I know what he's thinking.

"Well.. because of Emmett. I know you still miss him." I look down at my feet as we walk.

"Yeah, I do."

"So I didn't want to get married if it was going to upset you." Tears spring to my eyes and I surprise myself and Greg by giving him a hug. I don't think we've hugged since we were kids.

"You're too sweet, Greg. I couldn't ask for a better big brother." I pull back and look up into his face. "Of course you should ask her!" He smiles and hugs me again. After a few seconds we continue walking. "When are you going to?"

"I was thinking of our anniversary, which is only a couple weeks away. I want to make it special."

"I'm sure she'll love whatever you plan. I'll have to meet her again."

"She's been dying to meet you but I didn't want to disrupt your progress or anything. I figure since it's been almost a year since you've been home that now would be the time."

"This is a great birthday present. I'm so happy for you." Greg takes my hand and we swing our arms together the rest of the way to the market.

**

I look around awkwardly as everyone sings me Happy Birthday. When the time comes to make a wish I close my eyes and think I wish I could see Emmett just one more time and blow out the candles. While everyone's clapping and someone turns the light back on, I catch a glimpse of a face out the window. My heart stops. I know it's Emmett. Before I can get a really good look he's gone. I want to run outside after him but the cake is being cut and I'm being talked to. I know I have to respond. It's so hard when I know Emmett is out there. Right now.

"What did you wish for, Jill?" Someone answers before I can.

"If she tells you it won't come true!" Everyone laughs. They have no idea my wish has already come true. I make it through the rest of the evening with difficulty. All I want is to be alone in my room, but I know I need to stay downstairs and be a good hostess.

By the time everyone's gone I rush up to my room and shut my door, leaning against it and closing my eyes. I jump when I hear my name on the other side of the door. "Jillian?"

"Yes, Father?"

"Sleep well."

"I will. Good night." I hear his footsteps walk away from the door and sigh. I peel my dress off and throw on a robe, climbing into bed and under the blankets. I'm almost asleep when I hear a small tap on my window. I frown and open my eyes, wondering who could be outside my window when my bedroom is on the second floor.

I lay still and after a minute there's another tap. I get up and walk to the window, grateful that my light is off and anyone outside won't be able to see me. I slide the curtain aside a couple inches and look down at the ground. My heart stops for the second time that night. I yank open the window and stick my head out. "Emmett?" Through the darkness I see him grin.

"Yes Jilly, it's me. Can I come up?"

"My parents are downstairs. You'll be seen."

"Don't worry about that. Just step back." I do as he says while wondering how he thinks he could possibly climb into my window from the ground. I didn't see a ladder. A few seconds later I'm quite surprised to see him standing in my room like he's just appeared from thin air. And maybe he has. "Oh, Jilly, I've missed you." My hearts trips. He looks exactly the same as I last saw him. I start crying.

"Why?" It's the only thing I can think of to say, but he seems to understand what I'm asking.

"Oh, Jill, it's been so complicated. I'm not the same anymore. I wasn't allowed to come see you, even though it's been killing me not to." I sit heavily on the end of the bed.

"You look exactly the same, Emmett."

"Only to you. I'm quite different." I shake my head.

"I don't understand." He kneels in front of me and takes one of my hands in his. His hands feel like ice but I let him hold it.

"I know you don't. I don't really understand half of it myself either. But I'm willing to try and explain it to you if you'll let me. As best I can explain it." I look into his eyes, surprised to find they're not the sky blue I remember them to be. Instead they're a rich golden colour. "That's one thing I'll explain. But not tonight. Tonight I just want to be with you."

"I just have one question." He grips my hand tighter.

"Anything."

"Will you be here when I wake up?" He smiles that dimpled smile that was always my favourite, his eyes alight with happiness.

"Yes, I'll be here."

15 April 2012

Home Is Where The Heart Is, Chapter 6

I turn over and look at the clock. I'm surprised to see it's 10 in the morning. I don't usually sleep more than a few hours a night, so I must have been exhausted. But I guess almost getting the shit beaten out of you does that to a person. I yawn and stretch and sit up when the cleaning lady knocks on the door and walks into the room. "Hello, miss. Is there anything that you want washed?" I shake my head and she smiles and leaves the room, shutting the door behind her. I think briefly about having a shower but decide against it for now. Right now, I'd like some food.

I change into my regular clothes and head upstairs to the kitchen. I hesitate before opening the fridge. What if someone comes in and throws me out? It sounds crazy, but Doug could be waiting for me somewhere. Maybe I should have just let him do whatever to me. At least then I wouldn't be scared he's looking for me somewhere. I don't like having to watch my back all the time. Oh well, too late to change things now.

"Good morning, Mick." I jump about 10 feet in the air and turn around to see Shay smiling at me.

"You scared the shit outta me."

"Sorry, thought you heard me coming up the stairs." I shake my head. "Looking for something to eat?"

"Yeah, wasn't sure if I was allowed to get it myself." He pushes past me and starts rooting through the fridge.

"Since it's almost 11 and almost lunch, how about some mac and cheese?" I nod and lean against the counter.

"Sounds good. But don't people usually keep the boxes in the cupboard?" He shuts the fridge and stands up straight.

"Yup. I couldn't find anything in there but eggs, and we had those yesterday."

"Eggs would have been fine again. I'm not too picky." He shrugs and goes to a big cupboard, opening the door and finding a box of KD. I've never actually had mac and cheese before, so I watch with interest as he puts a pot of water on the stove and turns the burner on high.

"So how'd you sleep lastnight?"

"Like the dead."

"Geoff said you came by around 3." I nod and cross my arms, looking across the kitchen at Shay. I wonder what exactly Geoff had told him about last night. "I saw you at Doug's last night." I nod again.

"Yeah, didn't go over so well." Shay smiles.

"So I've been hearing. I was walking back here when I saw Doug walking up and down the street. Said you took off and that Geoff was hiding you here. I got back after you'd gone to sleep."

"What did Geoff tell you'd happened?" His smile gets bigger.

"That you bit Doug. Which I think you should get a medal for. 'Bout time someone stood up to him."

"Dunno. I think I should have just let him do whatever and gotten outta there. 'Least he wouldn't be after me." The smile leaves his face and is replaced with a frown.

"Don't even think like that. He gets mean and has hurt lots of girls. Some have ended up pretty bad. You're lucky you got away." I shrug and look down at my feet. "And besides, you've got people looking out for you. If he tries anything he won't get far." I don't answer him. I have to wonder again why they're doing this for me. I'm no one special. I don't want to owe anyone anything. I watch as Shay pours the noodles into the boiling water and sets the timer on the stove. "So you gonna stick around today or take off again?" I shrug again.

"Dunno. I don't need to get anything or whatever. Guess I could stay here."

"I think it'd be the best thing for now. Doug doesn't give up easily."

"Yeah I noticed. I figured he'd be out of commission for a while. Long enough for me to get away anyway. Guess not."

"His temper's pretty bad. He's been in and out of anger management for it. Doesn't seem to ever help."

"Sounds like someone I used to know." Shay's expression softens and I wonder again what Geoff told him last night.

"Geoff didn't tell me anything, just that you've had a hard life."

"I guess."

"You don't need to tell me if you don't want to, don't worry. I'm not expecting a story over lunch or anything." Just then the timer goes off. I watch again as Shay dumps the water into a strainer and sets the pot on the counter. He drains the water and pours the noodles back in the pot, adding butter, some bright orange powder, and milk to the noodles. He stirs it up and I realize why it's called "mac and cheese". My stomach rumbles as Shay gets two bowls and two spoons. He offers me a bowl and I take it. I peer down into the bowl before taking a bite. "Ever had KD before?" I shake my head. "Are you serious? It's like, the best food ever. Should be it's own food group."

"It's pretty good. Thanks." He shakes his head and sits down at the table.

"'Pretty good' she says. Ha. Just wait, you'll be addicted in no time." Surprising myself, I eat everything in the bowl. "Told yah it's good." I nod and hand him the bowl. He rinses it off and sets it in the sink beside his bowl. "Wanna watch t.v or something? Or a movie?"

"Sure."

"I got some movies in my room, come on." I follow him down to the basement and into his room. It's not as clean as Geoff's but it doesn't smell like smoke. "Sorry 'bout the mess. I don't usually have too many visitors."

"It's not that messy." He kneels down in front of his t.v and looks through his collection of movies. "Want the door shut?"

"Don't matter." I decide to keep it open and stand beside his bed. He turns around to look at me.

"You can sit down, you know. It's not a crime or anything." I sit on the edge of his bed and look around the room. There's a few posters on the walls.

"You like country?"

"Yeah, I grew up in Georgia."

"Why'd you move here?"

"My dad's in the Military so I moved around a lot. Soon as I turned 18 I said 'screw you' and took off on my own." I don't say anything more and he continues looking through his movies. "Okay, so do you like horror or action?"

09 April 2012

Home Is Where The Heart Is, Chapter 5

"So what did he do to make you bite him?" I cross my arms, following Geoff down to the basement.

"Dunno. He made me feel weird and uncomfortable."

"He does that to people. I'd tell you to not take it seriously, but I probably would have if I were in your situation. He's scared off more than a few girls."

"Like I said, I can take care of myself." He opens the door to the room I met him in and walks in, I follow behind.

"Don't doubt that. Your nails are freakishly long." I look down at them and shrug. "Have a seat." I shake my head and lean against the wall. Geoff sits down and picks up the remote. "Something wrong with my couches?" He looks over at me and smiles.

"No. It's just a long story."

"Yeah, I heard from Shay."

"Heard what?"

"Nothin' really. Just that you have a long and boring story." I nod.

"Sounds about right."

"Do you at least sit on the floor? I feel weird with you standing there."

"Yeah, floor's are okay." I take a seat on the floor in front of one of the couches and lean against the edge. More comfy than standing, I guess. "Why are you doing this for me? You never met me before last night. Most people don't care." He shrugs.

"Doesn't seem right to me, you being so young. Thought I'd help you out a little, even if only just for a night."

"Well like I told Shay, I'm not a charity case and I can take care of myself. Been doing just fine." He looks over at me, a small frown on his face.

"Yeah, I can see that. What if it'd been someone else's yard you jumped into? And I hadn't of stopped Doug from gettin' you?" I shrug, not answering him. "Thought so. Look, I know you don't want my help, but you need it, at least from what I can tell. You're 17 for fuck sakes. 17 year olds don't belong on the streets, selling their bodies." I stand up, my temper flaring.

"Maybe you should have told my dad that when he kicked me out of my house. I don't need you telling me what I do and don't need, thanks very much."

"I didn't mean to get you mad Mick, I was just sayin'." I sit back down, my temper subsiding.

"I know, sorry. I'm not used to people helping me. I've had to take care of myself for 7 years. It's weird having someone want to help me."

"Why did your dad throw you out?"

"I dunno. I came home one day from school and my clothes were lying on the porch. He'd changed the locks and everything. I didn't stick around to find out why."

"How'd you get to Detroit? Shay told me you lived in Maine."

"Yeah. I babysat the kids across the street and had money saved up. He forgot about the attic window and I got in that way. I got my money and some other stuff and got out of there."

"Sounds like a bastard." I nod.

"He was."

"What about your mom or siblings?"

"My mom died when I was 6 and my sister left when I was 8 to live with our aunt."

"Why didn't you go with her?" I look around the room. I feel like I've said too much already. I hardly know this guy. But oddly, it feels good to finally tell someone.

"My dad went to rehab twice for drinking. He pretended everything was fine and dandy and I had to live with him since he was cured. Eventually they closed the case file and never saw us again. By that time I was being beaten up almost every night."

"I'm sorry Mick." I look up at him in surprise.

"Sorry?"

"Yes, sorry. I assume no one's ever said that to you before?" I shake my head, picking at the carpet with my fingers.

"I've never told anyone before this."

"Why did you tell me? You don't seem the type to trust easily." I shrug.

"I have no idea really. I guess it's just nice to tell someone."

"Well I'm flattered you told me. I have to go into work early tonight if you wanna sleep in my bed again. I'd offer Shay's but I dunno if he's coming back tonight or not."

"I saw him at Doug's with a girl."

"That was Becky. They've been friends since they were kids. They get pretty friendly and a lotta people think they're goin' out."

"They don't like eachother?"

"Not like that. I don't think they ever will."

"You got a girl?"

"Nah. I'm focused on work right now, not really looking for anyone. You with anyone?"

"Nope, my one and only boyfriend turned out to be an asshole, so I've given up. For now anyways."

"You're young yet. You'll find someone."

"I'm not a child."

"I know, that's not how I meant it. I meant you've still got time to find someone." I smile slightly.

"I know, I was kidding. And really, thanks for all this."

"Don't mention it, I'm happy to. You tired?" I nod.

"Yeah, pretty tired actually. I didn't sleep well last night."

"Shay told me you were up same time as him at like 7:30, I can imagine you're pretty tired. Come on, I'll get you to bed." We both get up and he walks down the short hallway and opens his bedroom door. I take off my jacket and shoes while he pulls the blanket down for me. I drop onto the bed and lay down, falling asleep almost instantly.

01 April 2012

Home Is Where The Heart Is, Chapter 4

I stuff the wad of bills into my pocket and slip my shoes on, done with my first house for the night. I take a paper out of my pocket by random. I sigh and start heading in that direction. Doug lives in the same neighbourhood as Geoff so at least I have some clue as to where he lives. I've never even heard of the street Manny lives on, and that's saying something considering I've lived here for 2 years.

I stick my hands on my pockets and amble down the street, taking my time. I don't particularly enjoy this type of work, but when I was thrown out of my house, I was at a loss of what to do with myself. After my mom died when I was 6 my dad went crazy. He started drinking and soon became abusive. Enough so that he would beat on my sister and I when he was drunk. My sister didn't put up with it for very long. She called the police and Children's Services got involved. He went to rehab and 3 months later we went to live back with him. It didn't take long for him to return to drinking.

By that time I was 7 and my sister was 16. The police were called again, and again he went to rehab. Almost 6 months after that he was deemed cured and I was sent back to live with him again. My sister got the choice of living with him or with our aunt. She chose our aunt. I didn't get a choice since I was only 8 and on the outside he seemed like the perfect father.

He made a big effort of attending my school functions and portraying the widowed father roll. Everyone believed him, even Children's Services and soon they shut our case file for good. But at home when he didn't have to pretend, it was much worse. He beat me on a regular basis. Sometimes almost daily. I was too scared to tell anyone, so the abuse went on for almost two years when he met his new wife, Doreen. By this time I had just turned 10.

After he met her, he pretty much ignored me. It was a nice change and I was finally starting to feel happy again. One day after school I came home to find a small bag on my doorstep with my clothing in it. My dad had changed the locks while I was gone and the windows were all locked. That day, June 12th, was almost 7 years ago.

I sigh and knock on Doug's door. He comes to the door a few seconds later and lets me in. His place smells like stale smoke. "The bedroom's down the hall, first door on the right. Give me a few minutes." As I'm passing the living room I spot Shay and some girl sitting beside eachother on one of the couches. He's got his arm around her shoulders and she's whispering into his ear. I think of waving hello but they don't see me, so I open Doug's bedroom door and close it behind me.

His room smells worse than the rest of the house, but I'm pretty used to it, so it doesn't bother me much. There's clothes all over the floor and an overflowing ashtray. There's nowhere to put my jacket so I keep it on and cross the small room, leaning against the wall opposite the door. Ten minutes later, just as I'm about to leave, Doug opens the door and enters the room. "Sorry, hadda get rid of those two." I stand up straight as he walks toward me.

"No worries." He lays down on the bed and removes his shirt. I'm not very excited about my clothes being on his lack of floor, but it doesn't really work if they're on me, so I take off my jacket and lay it carefully on the edge of the bed, followed by my pants and shirt. I've been blessed with a small enough chest that I don't need to wear a bra, which suits me just fine. I've heard they're annoying and just a nuisance, so I'm glad I don't need to wear one. It's also handy when I need to dress quickly.

Doug's eyes travel across my body in a way that makes me uncomfortable. It kind of throws me off and I become clumsy and shy. "Somethin' wrong?" I shake my head and crawl over to him. "Good. I've heard you're good and I wanna get my money's worth." I've been told things like that before and it's never really bothered me until now. It troubles my already troubled state of mind and I hesitate while removing his pants. A frown makes its' way onto Doug's face so I kneel over his lap. A smile replaces the frown and he takes me by surprise when he flips me over onto my back. "Much better." It comes out in a low growl and I'm suddenly scared for my safety. Something about this doesn't seem right to me.

"I prefer top." His hands slide up and down my body.

"I'm paying you, you do what I want." I try to wiggle myself out from under him, but he's way bigger than me and a lot stronger. "Where do you think you're goin'?" He pins my arms over my head with his hands and lays his body on me. I can hardly breathe cause he so heavy. He presses his lips hard against mine and then pulls back. "You're not goin' anywhere. I'm gonna get me my money's worth." I nod, a plan forming in my head. I was taken advantage of before and I won't ever let it happen again.

He let's go of my hands and sits back on the bed. I spot a belt laying on the floor and grab it. He smiles and holds out his hand. I shake my head. "Nope, this is for you." I look behind him at his bed frame. It's not very big, but it'll do. "Lay down and put your hands above your head." He does as I tell him and I move to tie his hands to the bed frame with the belt. I pull to make sure he can't get out easily and then slide back down his body, my head over his lap. I almost throw up at the thought of having to touch him, but leaving him like this isn't enough. He's got to be hurting, too.

He moans deeply as I remove his boxers. I work his body all the right ways, keeping my mind elsewhere, hoping the belt will hold up. I've never bitten a guy out of anger and it's not something I'm exactly excited about doing. When he's close I bend my head down, take a deep breath, and bite him hard. For good measure I dig my long nails into his leg, breaking the skin and making him bleed. "Ow! You fucking bitch! What the fuck is your problem!? Ow, fuck!" I grab my clothes and glare down at him while pulling on my pants.

"You are, you stupid asshole." I pull on my tank top and grab my jacket, bolting from his bedroom, down the hall, and out of his house. Half a block down I stop running and slow to a walk, looking behind me but seeing no one. I'm glad it's 3 in the morning and there's no one around.

"Stupid bitch, get the fuck back here. I'm not done with you!" I spot Doug running up behind me and take off down the street. I'm a pretty fast runner but Doug's got to be at least 6 foot and he's catching up to me quickly. I wonder what the hell I'm going to do when I turn the corner and spot Geoff's house. I thank my lucky stars and make myself run faster, hopping the fence and hiding under a bush. There's two lights on in the basement and I wonder how I'm going to get in there without Doug knowing. I don't really want to hide out under the bush until morning.

I jump slightly as Doug hops the fence and lands a few feet from my hiding place. "Where are you, you whore? Think you can fucking bite me and get away with it?" I push myself as far into the fence as I can and hope that there's no light in the backyard.

"Doug? What the fuck are you doing out here? It's 3 in the morning and my parents are sleeping."

"That little bitch bit my dick and ran off. She's in your yard and I'm looking for her."

"What? Mick?" I watch Doug limp around the yard, peering under bushes.

"Yeah, whatever her name was. She fucking bit me."

"Any reason she might'a done that Doug?"

"I was just havin' a little fun."

"Well maybe she's not used to your type of fun. Now get outta my yard before I call the cops." My heart almost stops as Doug walks closer to the bush I'm hiding under. "Now Doug, get out."

"Fuck you Geoff. Whatever, I'm outta here." I breathe a quiet sigh of relief as Doug's feet walk away from my hiding place, around the side of the house, and out into the street.

"Mickey? Are you out there? He's gone." I crawl slowly out from under the bush and when Geoff spots me he walks over to me. "I'm sorry, Mick. If I had of known he was going to call on you I would have told you not to show up." I shrug.

"Doesn't matter. I'm gonna go. Thanks." I turn around to hop back over the fence but Geoff grabs my arm. I look back at him and then down at my arm. He doesn't let go.

"He doesn't give up easily, it'd be safer for you to lay low until he gives up."

"I can take care of myself." A small smile pulls at his lips.

"You really bit him?" I nod and cross my arms.

"Scratched him, too."

"Can't say he didn't deserve it. Come on, I'll feel a lot better when I know you're safe." I shrug but follow him into the house anyway. In all honesty I'd feel safer inside with him than outside where Doug could be waiting for me. But I doubt I'll admit that to anyone.

26 March 2012

Home Is Where The Heart Is, Chapter 3

Swift throws an arm over my shoulder and hugs me close to him. "So Mickey, how was your night? You're back kinda late, eh?" I just look at him.

"Get off me Swift. And it's none'a your damn business how my night was."

"Ooooh, that good, huh? Come on, I can keep a secret."

"God Swift, it's 9 in the morning, you're drunk already?"

"Not already, still." I shake my head and shrug away from him. "So come on, tell me. Who was he?"

"That's still none of your business."

"You're no fun. Mo would'a told me."

"Yeah well, Mo's a self proclaimed whore. No surprise there."

"If she's a whore, wha'does that make you, huh?"

"Oh come on Swift, leave poor Mickey alone. You know she likes her secrets."

"Hitch, hey, how goes it?" Swift and Hitch do that stupid guy half hug thing and Hitch looks at me.

"Hey Mick." I stare at him but don't say anything. We used to be involved and I have no idea what I saw in him. He's a class A asshole. I made the mistake of telling him a secret or two and he went and blabbed about it to whoever would listen. It's taken me a long time to get my reputation back up. And thanks to him, I've never trusted anyone since. "You not gonna talk to me, Mick?"

"I haven't seen you in two years Henry, what makes you think I wanna talk to you?" Swift looks at Hitch with a silly grin.

"Henry, eh?" Hitch glares at him and the silly grin leaves his face. Poor Swift.

"Hitch, you're an ass."

"Come now Mickey, that's not what you used to call me, remember?"

"It's pretty pathetic that you think I'm still interested. Like I give a shit about you now."

"That hurts, Mickey, really. And here I was just dropping in to tell you a happy birthday." Swift looks at me.

"It's your birthday? Well shit, I didn't get you a present."

"No worries, Swift. I don't want any. I'll see you later, 'kay?"

"Okay Mick, see yah." I stick my hands in my pockets and continue walking down the street. I should have known it would never work, that it was only a matter of time until he found me here. Not like I was really hiding myself that well. I turn in the direction of the train station, wondering when the next train is leaving. I'm going to miss Detroit, but I think I've overstayed my welcome. I've never been in one place for so long anyway. It's time for a change.

I come to the train station to find a train getting ready to leave. I walk up to someone heaving boxes into the train. "Hey, when's this train leaving?" He looks at me before answering.

"'Bout half an hour. But this train isn't for passengers."

"I know, was just wondering, thanks."

"You planning to run away from home, little lady?"

"Well I guess that would work if I actually had a home." He just looks at me and then crosses his arms across his chest.

"You a runnaway?"

"In a manner of speaking. Why do you care anyhow?"

"You look like you're what, 14, 15?"

"17."

"17. Where are your parents? Doesn't anyone care that you're out in the streets?"

"Nope, no one cares."

"Oh, I'm sure your parents do."

"So I guess caring counts as kicking your kid out, hmm, news to me. Thanks for the info. Have fun." I turn around and walk away in the opposite direction, back to where Swift and Hitch were. Maybe I could wait a couple more days to leave. Save up some money first, stock up on some things. Yep, good plan. I decide to go to Don's, even though he's probably not up yet Polly will be. I don't think she ever sleeps.

I knock on the door and sure enough, Polly opens it. "He's sleeping."

"I know. Thought I'd hang around 'til he wakes up. I need a few names from him."

"Right. Sure. I can get you some." Polly disappears into Don's bedroom and comes out a minute later with 4 slips of paper.

"Don wanted me to give these to you anyway. They came by earlier." I take them from her and look at the names. Two of them seem familiar. Manny and Doug. Oh God, those are the guys from Geoff's. Great. The two others I've never met before.

"Thanks. Tell Donny I said hi."

"Will do. See yah Mick."

"Bye." I exit the building and turn left. I take a smoke and lighter out of my pocket and light it, taking a drag. I haven't had a smoke since last night and it feels good. It makes me think back to earlier this morning, talking to Shay. And that makes me think of the papers in my pocket. I sigh mentally as Swift and Mo come walking down the street toward me. Mo has this insane idea that we're in a contest with eachother. She's always bragging about how many guys she lands and how much money she gets from them. As if I care.

"Hey Mick. Saw you down by the trains. Planning to skip out on us?" I take another drag.

"Now what would give you that impression?" Mo shrugs.

"Maybe 'cause trains go places. And lots of people take trains to go places."

"Nah. Just seeing what was in the boxes."

"Also saw you comin' out of Don's."

"Also heard it's nonna your business. See yah Swift." I walk past them and continue down the street, finishing my smoke and flicking the butt onto the road. Isn't turning 17 supposed to be a good thing? Seems all today's been is crap. Hopefully it gets over with soon and I can get on with it.

18 March 2012

Home Is Where The Heart Is, Chapter 2

I roll over and look at the clock. It's 7 in the morning and I only slept for two hours. I never sleep well when I'm in a different bed, which is quite often. I'm amazed that I can actually function some days. I can tell I'm going to be tired today. I jump up when the door opens and a lady walks in. "Oh, miss I'm sorry! I was just coming in to change the sheets and gather the laundry." I climb out of the bed and grab my jacket.

"That's okay, I was just leaving anyway."

"Would you like me to wash your clothing, miss?" I look at my pile of clothes at the end of the bed.

"Um, I guess, if you want." She smiles kindly at me.

"It's no trouble at all. The kitchen is upstairs if you're hungry." As if on cue, my stomach rumbles. The woman smiles again and puts my clothes in the laundry basket she's carrying. I back out the door and turn just in time to run into someone coming out of the door across the hall.

"Shoot, sorry, didn't see you there." I look up and recognize the guy I ran into as Shay.

"S'okay, probably should have walked forwards." He smiles.

"You staying? I was just heading upstairs to make myself some breakfast."

"Sure, I mean, the lady is washing my clothes for me."

"Great, follow me." He goes to touch my shoulder but I shrug away from him and instead follow him up the stairs. He leads me to the kitchen and I lean against the counter, crossing my arms, watching him flit around the kitchen. "Any special requests? I make a mean BLT."

"Sorry, I'm allergic to tomatoes."

"Really, wow. Okay, anything you want?" My stomach rumbles again.

"I'm not picky. Make whatever you were planning to have and I'll probably eat it."

"How's an omelette sound? Ham, cheese, peppers?" I nod.

"Sounds good to me."

"You're welcome to sit." I shake my head.

"No, I'm good, thanks though." He cracks a few eggs into a bowl.

"I noticed you declined Geoff's invite to sit lastnight, too. What's up with that?" I shrug.

"It's a long story, I guess."

"I like long stories." I look down at my feet.

"It's not very interesting." He looks at me and smiles.

"I like boring stories too, we're in luck."

"Maybe another time."

"I'll hold you to that." I watch as he moves around the kitchen, making our breakfast. "All done. You're gonna stand and eat?" I look at the counter but nod.

"Yep."

"Mind if I sit?" I take a plate from him and set it on the counter.

"Go for it." He pulls out a chair at the table and sits down, starting in on his omelette. Despite how hungry I am, I pick at my food, only eating a few bites. It's really good, but I just can't bring myself to eat more.

"So, how'd your parents come up with Mickey?"

"It's highly embarrassing."

"Oh come on. It can't be any worse than mine."

"You first." He smiles and shoves a bite of egg into his mouth.

"Okay, well I was supposed to be a girl and they were going to name me Shaylynne. But surprise, wasn't, so they shortened it to Shay. Lucky me, eh?"

"Mine's worse."

"Hit me." I take another small bite.

"When my sister was younger she was obsessed with Mickey Mouse and my parents let her name me. Surprise, surprise, she picked Mickey. She wanted the mouse, too, but thankfully they didn't put that part in." Shay chuckles and I look up at him.

"Well, I guess you win. This time. But don't worry, I'll win for something." He turns back to his food for a few minutes before looking back over at me, this time with a small frown on his face. "I have kind of a personal question. But I understand if you don't want to answer it." I groan mentally, already knowing what it is. "How exactly did you get into this, er, line of work?"

"That's another long and boring story for another time."

"Okay, I understand. Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"Like what?"

"I dunno, like stuff about yourself."

"Well, I dunno. I guess I'm not very interesting."

"Oh please. There's got to be something. Where'd you grow up?"

"Maine."

"Wow, that's not next door. Any reason you moved to Michigan?"

"That's part of the long and boring story."

"Fair enough. You smoke?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Lastnight when I first saw you. Whenever someone that doesn't smoke walks into that room they're coughing like crazy. All you did was blink."

"It stung a little, but I'm used to it." He nods while getting up and rinsing off his plate.

"You done?" I nod and hand him the plate. "You didn't eat much." I shrug.

"I'm not a big eater, I guess." After he's done rinsing my plate he turns around and leans against the counter, facing me.

"Do you have a place to stay?" I cross my arms and look down at my feet.

"Yeah."

"If you wanna stay here for a few days, I'm sure Geoff wouldn't mind." I look back up at Shay.

"Look, I appreciate the shower and the clothes and the food, but I'm not a charity case, okay? I can take care of myself just fine."

"And I don't doubt that. I was just simply offering a place to sleep if you need or want it." I nod.

"Well thanks anyway, but I'll be fine." Just then the cleaning lady comes up from the basement with my folded, clean clothes.

"Here you are, miss. Just came out of the dryer." I take them from her and set them on the counter beside me. Shay pushes off the counter and heads for the basement.

"Hang on there, Mickey. I got something for you." I count to 52 in my head before he comes back up to the kitchen, carrying something in his hand. He walks over to me and hands me a small wad of bills, the one on the outside is a 20. "Here, Geoff gave me this to give to you." I take the money and stick it in my back pocket.

"Thanks." He shrugs and I get the impression I hurt his feelings.

"Not my money, but I'll pass along the message."

"Here miss, I've got a bag for your clothes." The lady hands me a small backpack and I stick my clothes in it, swinging it over my shoulder while heading for the door.

"Good luck, Mickey." The door closes before I can say thanks.

04 March 2012

Home Is Where The Heart Is, Chapter 1

"Happy birthday to me." I light a smoke and take a deep drag, blowing it out and sticking my lighter back in my pocket. Today is May 30th, my birthday, I'm 17 years old. I take another drag and rest my head against the wall, blowing the smoke out slowly, letting it swirl into the night air.

"Hey Mick, Don wants'ta see yah." I shift my eyes to Swift, he looks drunk. He's no fun when he's drunk. He gets angry and jealous, even though we were never a thing. I finish my smoke and flick it away from me, getting up and walking the two blocks to Don's apartment. Him wanting to see me can only mean one thing.

I walk up the four flights of stairs and knock on door number 405. I hear footsteps come to the door before it opens, revealing Pollyanna. "Hey Mick, you know where he is." I inch by her and walk down the hall. Polly's always creeped me out, even more than Donny does. I knock at Don's door and hear a shout from inside. I open it and step in.

"Come on in Mick, sit down." I shake my head and cross my arms. He chuckles. "Shoulda known. Anyways.." He holds out a piece of paper and I cross the room to take it from him. I stick it in my pocket without looking at it. I walk backwards across the room to the door. "Says he wants you there tonight, but I told him it's up to you." I nod again. Don's always looked out for me, ever since we met 2 years ago.

"'Kay, see yah later, Donny." I walk out of the room and back to the front door, down the hallways and out of the building. I walk around for an hour before taking the paper out of my pocket and reading it. Geoff. Pssh. Bet he's some 30 year old loser. I change my course to the direction of his place, deciding to just get it over with tonight, get my money and get outta there.

His place is a half hour walk, but I don't mind walking. It's the one thing that keeps me together after all this time. I like to take off for a few hours, not going anywhere in particular, and seeing where I end up. I take my time getting there, arriving 45 minutes after reading the slip of paper. The address I arrive at is a small house with no lights on upstairs. I look around before spotting a light on in a basement window.

I walk back around the house and knock on the side door. It takes a full four minutes for someone to answer the door. What I expected is not what greets me. I expected some 30 year old, fat and balding dude. Who answers the door is a younger guy, no older than 25, pretty good looking, thin. "Hey, I'm looking for Geoff."

"Come in, he's downstairs." I follow the guy down the stairs to the basement. Down there, there's four doors, all closed. The guy opens the last one on the left and stands aside to let me in. I walk past him into a room filled with smoke. It stings my eyes a bit and I blink against the smoke. The light is dim and the t.v's on some music video channel. There's two couches, two people sitting on one and three sitting on the other. The guy that answered the door sits on the couch with the two people. "This is her." One of the guys turns to look at me, and again I'm surprised by his age.

"You Mickey?"

"Mick."

"I'm Geoff." He points to the guy that answered the door and then the girl sitting beside him. "That's Doug and that's Jill." The girl looks over at me and then takes a drink from a beer bottle. Geoff points to the two guys and one girl sitting on the other couch. "That's Shay, Manny, and Heather." I look at each of them in turn. The only one that actually shows any interest in my presence is Shay, who keeps his head turned toward me longer than 5 seconds.

"So where do you wanna do this?"

"Hang on a second, sweetheart." Ugh. Pet names. "Why don'tcha take'a seat?" I shake my head and continue to stand. I see Shay look back over at me, which un-nerves me a little. I'm used to none of the friends giving me any attention at all. This is weird, but I figure he'll probably call on me sometime in the future. Which I have to admit, I wouldn't hate. He's young and good looking from what I can tell.

It takes Geoff ten more minutes before finally getting up off the couch. I step out of the room and let him lead me to the next door over. He opens the door and I follow him in. Another surprise, this room is free of smoke and is actually nice. The bed's made and there's a soft glow of light. I shut the door behind me and take off my jacket. It's still pretty chilly for the end of May. "There's a shower and food if you want it." I look at him in surprise. This is the first time I've been offered anything but money.

Geoff takes a beer out of a mini bar I hadn't noticed before and holds one out, offering me one. "Sure." He opens it for me and I cross the room and take it from him. He opens one for himself and sits on the bed, taking a magazine and laying in on his lap. I look and notice that it's a motorcycle magazine. Not what I was expecting at all. He catches me staring and I look away.

"Honestly, take a shower, eat something. You look skinny." I take a long sip of the cold beer, savouring the taste. "We don't gotta do anything if you don't wanna." I nod mutely, but my mind is reeling. "'Sides, doesn't feel right to me, you being 16 an' all."

"I turned 17 today."

"Happy birthday then." He turns his attention back to the magazine on his lap. I look around the room and notice another door, which I'm guessing leads to a bathroom or closet. It's been months since I've had a good, long, hot shower and I would absolutely love one. But I just feel weird. It's also been a while since I had a good meal. I sigh and take another long sip, half the beer already gone. "Bathroom's through that door. Be as long as you want." I finish my beer before getting off the bed and crossing the room to the closed door. It opens to reveal a bathroom. It's pretty plain, but it's nice. I look back at Geoff before closing the door but he's reading his magazine.

I shut the door and step over to the shower, turning it on to hot. I shed my clothes and fold them, setting them on the counter, before stepping into the shower. The hot water feels amazing against my skin and I just stand there for a few minutes, letting it soak in. Boy am I glad Don found this guy. I can't help but wonder why this guy is different than any of the others. I shrug. Oh well. 'Least I get a hot shower and some food out of it.

Almost an hour later I emerge from the bathroom, clad in just a robe. Geoff is now watching t.v and I wonder what he could be watching at almost 4 in the morning. He looks over at me and then to a small pile of clothes at the end of his bed. "I figured you're about the same size as Jill. She's always leaving clothes here. Take 'em if you want'em." I pick them up and survey the options. A simple pair of dark blue jeans and a light purple tank top.

"Thanks." He nods and his attention reverts back to the t.v. I wonder if I should change in front of him, and decide against it, going back into the bathroom. The jeans are a size too big but the tank top fits nicely. I gather up my clothes and exit the bathroom for the second time. This time there's food waiting on a table near the door to the room.

"Dunno what you like so you got a BLT or something. And there's coffee if you drink it." I'm allergic to tomatoes so I decline the BLT but I take the coffee eagerly. I add milk and sugar and sit on the edge of the bed.

"Thanks. For all of this."

"Don't mention it. Really, it's no big deal. I hate to see young girls like you out there. Figured I'd get you in here, wash you up and get some food into you. Though it seems you don't want the food."

"I'm allergic to tomatoes."

"Huh, never heard'a that before." We sit in silence as I sip my coffee and he watches his t.v show.

"So, how old are you anyway?"

"I'll be 27 in a few months. All the guys are about 24, 25. Shay's the youngest, he's 20." I can't think of anything to say so I keep quiet and drink my coffee. At 5 I start to get tired and my eyes close a little. "Hey, if you wanna sleep here that's fine. I gotta get to work in an hour anyway." Geoff gets off the bed and pulls down the blanket that he was sitting on. I set the cup on the side table and slide down the warm bed under the blankets. I'm too tired and the bed's too comfy to object now. I'm asleep before Geoff leaves the room.

14 January 2012

The Impossibility Of Sensibility, Chapter 15

"I called Sasha and we're going to spend the day together. I haven't seen her in a long time."

"How old are those kids of hers now?"

"Um.. I think they're almost 6 months."

"I still remember when you were that small. Such a spirited child, you were."

"Wasn't I crawling soon after?"

"I think you started when you were 7 months. And then walking by your first birthday. You kid's grow up too fast. I can't believe you're going to be 19 in just a month."

"I can't believe you're going to be 45."

"Shh. No one's supposed to know that, remember?" I smile and tap my lips with my finger.

"Your secret is safe with me. I'll call you later okay?"

"All right. Let us know what the results are." I wave to my father and enter the hospital. I check in with reception and she tells me to go directly up to Dr Cullen's office. I knock at the door and he tells me to go in.

"Ah, Jillian, please, sit down." I remove my coat and sit on one of the chairs in front of his desk. "I have another appointment soon so I don't have too much time. I just thought I would let you know that I talked to my family last night."

"And?"

"They don't mind it if Emmett sees you, but I need to accompany him, as will Edward."

"Why?"

"It's ah, safer that way."

"Do you think I'd try to hurt him?" Dr Cullen actually laughs.

"No, no.. nothing of the sort. We're actually worried about Emmett. He's, ehm, quite different since you've last seen him. His self control needs to go a long way before we can let him alone with you." I frown. I don't understand this at all. "I know it can be confusing, but it's for your own good, trust me on this." I nod, not sure of what to say.

"When can I see him?"

"As soon as you'd like, I suppose."

"Oh, today, please!" Dr Cullen chuckles.

"Okay, well not as soon as you'd like. What about next weekend?" I think over my calendar mentally.

"That works for me. Have Emmett call me when you're coming over."

"I think it would be best if you met him elsewhere. If you come here I can drive you." I nod, disappointed. "So, if you don't have any other questions, I really do need to get going." I stand up and slip back into my coat.

"No, that's it. I guess I'll see you next week."

"Yes. Excuse me." He rushes off and leaves me alone in his office. I have half a mind to go home and cancel on Sasha, but it's been almost 3 months since I saw her and her twins last. I sigh deeply and head back out onto the street. It's a cloudy January day and it looks like it's going to snow again soon. I shove my hands in my pockets and head myself in the direction of Sasha's house. Hopefully she's awake. My appointments with Dr Cullen are usually early in the morning, as he works the midnight shift.

I make it to Sasha's house and knock quietly on the door. I hear shuffling inside and the door opens. "Jill! Come inside, it's freezing out there." She ushers me inside and strips off my wet coat. Halfway here it started snowing that wet snow that sticks to everything. "Come on, let's get you out of this stuff and into some dry clothes." She runs up the stairs and a few minutes later comes down with a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. "I'm sorry they're so big. They're from my pre-baby days, but you're still so skinny." Usually everyone tries to avoid talking about my weight, but not Sasha.

"No, it's okay. They'll be warmer this way." She smacks her forehead.

"I forgot socks. Those ones must be soaking wet." I look down at my boots and wiggle my toes. They feel wet. "Well don't just stand there, get those boots off, take these to the bathroom, and change. I'll dry your clothes for you while you're here." Sasha seems to be in all out mother mode now. I follow her orders and emerge from the bathroom in warm, dry clothes and cold bare feet. She gives me a heating pad for my feet.

I spend the day catching up with Sasha and watching her with her twins, Margaret and Barbara. They're both happy and outgoing, Barbara more-so than Margaret. I still feel a twinge of jealousy whenever I'm with Sasha, but I push it aside and just let myself enjoy her children.

After lunch I call my father and ask him to bring me home. I collect my clothes and say goodbye to Sasha, promising to see her again as soon as I can. Even if it hurts being with her, I can't let that get in the way of our friendship. We've been friends a very long time and my jealousy and anger shouldn't be enough to change that.

After I get home I go up to my room and curl up under my blankets. I think about next weekend and my meeting with Emmett. I wonder what he'll look like after a year and a half. Not too different, I hope. I begin to wonder if I look much different, and then think myself as silly. Of course I look different. I'm 10 pounds lighter than the last time he saw me. I wonder if he'll be repulsed by me. The thought makes me sad to think that he won't want to see me because I look gross.

I sigh and push thoughts of next weekend from my mind. I grab my favourite book, which I've read once a month for nearly 5 years, and read until it's time for dinner. Sometimes I wish I wasn't forced to eat at every meal. Before I was in the hospital I could skip meals and no one would care. Now I need to attend and eat at every single one.

Instead of going back up to my room after dinner, I sit in the family room with my mother as she sews. She's recently started a set of blankets for Sasha's twins. She hopes to get them done by their first birthday. I fall asleep while watching her sew, dreaming of blankets and laughing children.

10 January 2012

The Impossibility Of Sensibility, Chapter 14

"107, excellent. Last month you were only 96 pounds." I step off the scale and slip my boots back on.

"So does that mean I can stop coming?" Dr Cullen frowns.

"I'm afraid not. We'd like you to be at least 115 to stop coming, and you're not quite there yet." I sink down in the chair and huff. It's been over 7 months since I've been out of the hospital. I was discharged at 100 pounds and at first I lost weight, but I've been steadily gaining for about 3 months now. Unfortunately it's not enough to get me out of here, but at least I almost feel healthy again. Nobody looks at me like I'm going to die at any second anymore.

"So same time next month?"

"Actually Jillian, could I talk to you for a minute? It's about Emmett." I stop in the middle of pulling on my coat.

"What about Emmett? I haven't heard from him in months." Dr Cullen sits on his chair.

"I know. I was the one that stopped the letters."

"What do you mean?" I sink back into my chair.

"He wrote you for about a month after his last letter but I never gave them to you. I didn't think it was right that he give you false hope that you might see eachother again someday, so I did what I thought was right. I told Emmett that you had asked me to tell him that you'd moved on and he should do the same. I had hoped, in time, that he would move on. Such is not the case. He gets more depressed as the days go on. He's not getting better."

"And what do you want from me?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I still don't think any of this is right or safe, but I can't stand to see him in so much pain. I don't know what to do." This is the first time I'd seen Dr Cullen look anything but his professional, happy, composed self, and I have to say I don't like it at all. It doesn't seem right for him to look like this. Wrong, somehow.

"Well, I'm not sure what I can do, but could you at least give me Emmett's letters?" Dr Cullen opens a drawer in his desk and pulls out a stack of letters all tied together with a string. I take it from him and count them. There's 8 of them.

"I'm sorry, Jillian. I was only doing what I thought was right. I can see now that it wasn't, and I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'd thought he grew tired of me and was happy enough with his new life that he didn't want me in it."

"Oh no. He's miserable."

"Tell me about your family. Emmett didn't tell me very much."

"Well what did Emmett tell you?"

"He told me that you and your wife took in Edward and Rosalie because their mother died."

"Anything else?" I try to remember back to his brief letters.

"I don't think so. Why, what else is there?"

"Did he tell you how he came to live with us?"

"No."

"Well, I was also hiking that weekend and found him after the bear had attacked him. I own a home in the forest and thought it better to take him there than risk taking him to a hospital. He was in a coma for a while. I asked him if he wanted to stay with me so I could continue treating him, or if he wanted to go to a hospital. He decided to stay with my family and I."

"But why didn't he ever call or come see his family? They all still think he's dead!"

"It's all very complicated. It took him a long time to convince me to let him contact you. That first time he did so without telling me." I look down at my boots.

"Am I ever going to see him again?"

"Maybe one day. I can't promise you anything though. It's touch and go for a while."

"But why? What's so complicated about it?" Dr Cullen sighs.

"It's rather difficult to explain. Explaining would effect my entire family's safety, and I can't risk that."

"Can I please see him? If only from a distance?" Dr Cullen looks at me sadly.

"I can talk it over with my family tonight, if you wish. Come back tomorrow and I'll let you know what they've decided."

"Thank you! I promise I won't do anything to risk any of your family's safety." Dr Cullen chuckles and stands up. I do the same and follow him into the main lobby of the hospital where my father is waiting.

"See you tomorrow, Jillian." Father stands as I approach him and puts his arm around my shoulder, steering me out of the hospital and toward the car.

"You need to go back tomorrow?"

"Yeah, Dr Cullen took some blood and I get the results tomorrow." I hop in the passenger seat while my father starts the car.

"I see. What time do you need to be there?"

"He never said. Same time as always, I guess." Nothing else is said as we make our way home.

07 January 2012

The Impossibility Of Sensibility, Chapter 13

Jilly-

Of course. I completely understand your hesitations, so don't worry.

Do you remember when I was 16 and you were 14. It was your birthday. You told me that you were afraid of getting older because you didn't think I'd want to see you when you were old and wrinkly.

The day I proposed to you, we were playing in the water, do you remember what I said?

From age 15 to 16 I gave you a chocolate every single day, leaving them on your pillow. You never figured out how I did it, and I'm still not telling.

You want to be a vet when you're older. You've never told anyone because you're afraid they might think you're silly.

How's that? Did I pass the test?

Yours, Emmett


Emmett-

I have so many questions for you.

Jillian


Jilly-

I know you do, and I'm sorry that I can't answer all of them. Not yet. But I promise one day I'll be able to tell you everything.

Carlisle says you're doing much better. I'm happy to hear that.

I'm sorry I missed your birthday.

Yours, Emmett


Emmett-

Can you tell me at least something? Like where you've been all this time? Or, why you don't think it's safe to see me? Something?

Yes, much better. Dr Cullen says I can go home soon. I'm excited but a little nervous.

Jillian


Jilly-

It's kind of difficult to tell you some things. But I've been living with Carlisle and his family. They're great people, even if they can be annoying at times.

I can't tell you why it's not safe, it just isn't. You're going to have to trust me on this. I'll try to see you as soon as I can, but I can't make any promises.

Yours, Emmett


Emmett-

Tell me about his family.

Jillian


Jilly-

There's Carlisle and his wife Esme, and her cousins Edward and Rosalie.

Write me whenever you can.

Yours, Emmett


Emmett-

Why are they all staying with Dr Cullen and his wife?

It's been weird at home. My parents tiptoe around me and Greg is hardly ever here. It's kind of lonely.

Jillian


Jilly-

Edward and Rose's mother died so Carlisle and Esme offered to keep them until they're older.

Has Sasha been to see you?

Yours, Emmett


Emmett-

No, not yet. She's busy with her husband and they're due with twins soon.

Jillian


Jilly-

Wow, I didn't know she was even engaged, let alone married and pregnant.

Yours, Emmett


Emmett-

Happy birthday. Wish I was able to wish you in person, but I guess this will have to do.

Jillian


Emmett-

Well, it's been a couple months since my last letter. How are you? Please write me back.

Jillian

03 January 2012

The Impossibility Of Sensibility, Chapter 12

I sigh as I look down at my blank piece of paper. I'm trying to think of something that only Emmett would know. It's hard. Who knows what he's told other people? But who would go through all this trouble, get the doctor to lie to me, and can copy Emmett's hand so perfectly, just to be caught when I ask a hard question? No, it's got to be Emmett.

Dear.. Emmett.

I hope you understand that I need some proof first. So if you're willing, just tell me a few things about me, or you, that only we would know. Then maybe I can think about talking with you again.

Jillian


Good enough. I sigh again and seal the letter in an envelope Dr Cullen gave me. I think about what sorts of things Emmett would tell me. That first night in my room? The next day in my play house? The play house at all? I've still never told anyone about it, but I suppose it's really not that hard to find if you're looking. I mean, Emmett found it without my help, I'm sure someone else could have if they'd really tried. A knock at the door interrupts my musings.

"Jillian? I'm about to take off for the day. Is your letter ready?" I nod and hand it to Dr Cullen. "Is there anything you want me to tell him?" I just shake my head. "You've got some visitors." Just then Sasha walks into the room and Marc leans against the door frame.

"Sasha!" She gives me a hug. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Jill. How are you feeling?"

"All right. Tired I suppose." She sits beside my legs on the bed.

"Have you been sleeping well?"

"Well enough. But enough about me. How are you?" She glances over at Marc, a big smile on her face.

"Actually, we came to tell you that we're expecting!" I look down at her belly, which still looks flat to me.

"Since when?"

"We just found out last week. We had an appointment here today so we thought we'd drop by and say hello." I smile sadly.

"That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you." Marc walks over and takes Sasha's hand.

"We need to go sweetheart."

"I'm sorry, I wanted to stay longer but we've got some things to do before lunch." I shake my head.

"Nonsense. Come as often as you can, okay?" Sasha nods and hugs me again, getting up and leaving with Marc. I can't help but think that none of this is fair. Sasha was never someone that wanted marriage or children, whereas I always was. I've always wanted a family, but my chance was taken away from me. And now Sasha's getting everything I've ever wanted. I feel a string of resentment toward my best friend. I can't help it.

All I have to do is wait until tonight and Dr Cullen will be back and I'll have Emmett's letter. I'll know then for sure if it's really him. I wonder what I'm going to do if it is. I have so many questions for him. Why haven't you called me? Why isn't it safe to see me? When will I get to see you? Soon my thoughts turn to other things, like my birthday. I'll be 18 at the end of next week. I wonder if they'll let me outside since it's a special day.

I pick up my book and continue reading where I left off last night. I don't get far when there's a knock and a nurse comes in with a tray. I grimace. They're trying to get me to eat at least three times a day but I still can't keep much down. The doctor's don't understand why I can't keep any food down. I've gained almost 15 pounds in the 3 months that I've been here, but all through IV. They won't let me go home until I can eat at least some food. And right now it's not looking good.

Honestly though, I'm afraid to go home. Afraid to be back with all those memories. Here I don't have any. I'm just me here. I'm not Jillian and Emmett, just Jillian. I know after 6 months I should be able to let go and move on, but I just can't. And especially now, knowing that Emmett is alive and well. How can I move on when there's still another chance? I know some would call me stupid to hang on so tightly, but I don't care.

"Hello, dear. How are we feeling this morning?"

"Good." I hate when they say 'how are we feeling'. Like they're stuck like this, too.

"I have some crackers here for you and some milk. You know what to do, right?" I nod and take a cracker from her. I nibble on the end and wait a few seconds. When it doesn't feel like it's going to come back up I take a small bite. I slowly finish the cracker and am quite relieved when I don't have to rush to the bathroom. I take a sip of milk and eat another cracker, happy that I could keep it all down.

"So what's that mean? Can I start eating more?"

"Probably not quite yet, dear. The doctor will probably want to see if you can keep some food down multiple times a day. Then he'll think about taking taking your IV out to see if you can get what you need without it. I'll send in a doctor to explain it all to you better."

"Can you leave a few crackers here?" She smiles and hands me about 3 of them. I decide not to push my luck yet and wait a couple hours before attempting another one. I'm quite proud of myself when it comes lunch time and I haven't thrown up at all today. I wonder why that is but don't put too much thought to it. My body is probably just tired of being stuck here and wants out. My brain can't blame it. It was ready to leave a long time ago.

My luck runs out after supper, 8 crackers later, when I have to rush to the bathroom. I'm assured that I made excellent progress today but I can't help but feel that I'm failing. If I can't keep 8 crackers and a few sips of milk down, how am I ever going to eat normally before getting out of here? It's starting to feel like I'll be in here forever. After my bathroom visit I'm too tired to wait for Dr Cullen to bring me Emmett's letter so I just fall right to sleep.