"I called Sasha and we're going to spend the day together. I haven't seen her in a long time."
"How old are those kids of hers now?"
"Um.. I think they're almost 6 months."
"I still remember when you were that small. Such a spirited child, you were."
"Wasn't I crawling soon after?"
"I think you started when you were 7 months. And then walking by your first birthday. You kid's grow up too fast. I can't believe you're going to be 19 in just a month."
"I can't believe you're going to be 45."
"Shh. No one's supposed to know that, remember?" I smile and tap my lips with my finger.
"Your secret is safe with me. I'll call you later okay?"
"All right. Let us know what the results are." I wave to my father and enter the hospital. I check in with reception and she tells me to go directly up to Dr Cullen's office. I knock at the door and he tells me to go in.
"Ah, Jillian, please, sit down." I remove my coat and sit on one of the chairs in front of his desk. "I have another appointment soon so I don't have too much time. I just thought I would let you know that I talked to my family last night."
"And?"
"They don't mind it if Emmett sees you, but I need to accompany him, as will Edward."
"Why?"
"It's ah, safer that way."
"Do you think I'd try to hurt him?" Dr Cullen actually laughs.
"No, no.. nothing of the sort. We're actually worried about Emmett. He's, ehm, quite different since you've last seen him. His self control needs to go a long way before we can let him alone with you." I frown. I don't understand this at all. "I know it can be confusing, but it's for your own good, trust me on this." I nod, not sure of what to say.
"When can I see him?"
"As soon as you'd like, I suppose."
"Oh, today, please!" Dr Cullen chuckles.
"Okay, well not as soon as you'd like. What about next weekend?" I think over my calendar mentally.
"That works for me. Have Emmett call me when you're coming over."
"I think it would be best if you met him elsewhere. If you come here I can drive you." I nod, disappointed. "So, if you don't have any other questions, I really do need to get going." I stand up and slip back into my coat.
"No, that's it. I guess I'll see you next week."
"Yes. Excuse me." He rushes off and leaves me alone in his office. I have half a mind to go home and cancel on Sasha, but it's been almost 3 months since I saw her and her twins last. I sigh deeply and head back out onto the street. It's a cloudy January day and it looks like it's going to snow again soon. I shove my hands in my pockets and head myself in the direction of Sasha's house. Hopefully she's awake. My appointments with Dr Cullen are usually early in the morning, as he works the midnight shift.
I make it to Sasha's house and knock quietly on the door. I hear shuffling inside and the door opens. "Jill! Come inside, it's freezing out there." She ushers me inside and strips off my wet coat. Halfway here it started snowing that wet snow that sticks to everything. "Come on, let's get you out of this stuff and into some dry clothes." She runs up the stairs and a few minutes later comes down with a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. "I'm sorry they're so big. They're from my pre-baby days, but you're still so skinny." Usually everyone tries to avoid talking about my weight, but not Sasha.
"No, it's okay. They'll be warmer this way." She smacks her forehead.
"I forgot socks. Those ones must be soaking wet." I look down at my boots and wiggle my toes. They feel wet. "Well don't just stand there, get those boots off, take these to the bathroom, and change. I'll dry your clothes for you while you're here." Sasha seems to be in all out mother mode now. I follow her orders and emerge from the bathroom in warm, dry clothes and cold bare feet. She gives me a heating pad for my feet.
I spend the day catching up with Sasha and watching her with her twins, Margaret and Barbara. They're both happy and outgoing, Barbara more-so than Margaret. I still feel a twinge of jealousy whenever I'm with Sasha, but I push it aside and just let myself enjoy her children.
After lunch I call my father and ask him to bring me home. I collect my clothes and say goodbye to Sasha, promising to see her again as soon as I can. Even if it hurts being with her, I can't let that get in the way of our friendship. We've been friends a very long time and my jealousy and anger shouldn't be enough to change that.
After I get home I go up to my room and curl up under my blankets. I think about next weekend and my meeting with Emmett. I wonder what he'll look like after a year and a half. Not too different, I hope. I begin to wonder if I look much different, and then think myself as silly. Of course I look different. I'm 10 pounds lighter than the last time he saw me. I wonder if he'll be repulsed by me. The thought makes me sad to think that he won't want to see me because I look gross.
I sigh and push thoughts of next weekend from my mind. I grab my favourite book, which I've read once a month for nearly 5 years, and read until it's time for dinner. Sometimes I wish I wasn't forced to eat at every meal. Before I was in the hospital I could skip meals and no one would care. Now I need to attend and eat at every single one.
Instead of going back up to my room after dinner, I sit in the family room with my mother as she sews. She's recently started a set of blankets for Sasha's twins. She hopes to get them done by their first birthday. I fall asleep while watching her sew, dreaming of blankets and laughing children.
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