SEHE; Chapter 20

Tuesday January 20 [26 hours old]

Cheyenne was born at 11:26 AM on January 19.

She's still in the nursery as her lungs are a little sluggish but otherwise is completely healthy. I've been to see her as often as I can and I'm completely enthralled. Recovery for me has been a breeze so far. Wearing those huge pads has been a dream come true.

I think mum has told just about everyone she's ever met as she's been on the phone almost nonstop. She stops poor, unsuspecting people in the hallways to show them pictures.

Cheyenne has my fiery red hair and I feel positive that once she opens her eyes they'll be green, just like mine.

My older brothers came by yesterday evening to see her. My younger ones aren't allowed as they're too young. They both say she looks exactly like I did as an infant. I couldn't agree more.

Everyone is gone doing various things so I'm finally left alone for a moment. I close my eyes and sigh. I didn't know that I would feel so much for her immediately. I was concerned that the situation with her father would somehow taint my bond with her. Well, I needn't have worried. I sense, more than hear, someone approach the door to my little room and jerk my eyes open, positive he can't be who I think he is.

But he is. Draco walks slowly up to me, a guarded look on his face. I frown at him. "What's the matter, Draco?" He sits on the edge of my bed, beside my left leg. "If you don't tell me I may resort to violence." His expression doesn't change. "Seriously. You're worrying me. What's happened?"

"I wasn't sure if I would be welcome." My frown gets deeper.

"Why ever not?" He picks at an imaginary piece of lint.

"I hadn't received a reply to any of my letters. Richards said he'd owl'd you about who knows what. I didn't think I should come at all." I look at him curiously.

"Draco, look at me." He reluctantly brings his eyes to mine and holds my gaze. "Your bloody owl never stayed so that I could write you back. I don't have an owl at home. And I've been here for almost a week. How was I to send or receive anything from here? What must you have thought?" His eyes harden.

"I'd thought you accepted my proposal because you were looking for someone to take Richards' place." I stare at him, simply stunned. Without warning I grab a pillow from behind my back and hit him with it.

"You *smack* bloody *smack* insecure *smack* idiot." Draco moves away from my pillow attack.

"Bell, stop hitting me with that infernal pillow." I glare up at him.

"Not until you realize that you're a great big prat. What are you talking about, I agreed to marry you because I wanted to replace Keelan. Merlin, you can be so thick. I agreed to marry you because I love you, you moron." For emphasis I chuck the pillow at his face. With his Quidditch reflexes unfortunately it doesn't hit him, but to his credit he looks speechless. "Now, could you stop being so bloody stupid and talk to me?" He sits back down quietly, inconspicuously putting the pillow on his other side, toward my feet. "Explain, please." He sighs deeply, mussing up his hair.

"I didn't think much of it when you hadn't replied, really. Lena told me you hadn't replied to her either. We didn't want to, I don't know, overwhelm you so we agreed not to send anything else. That same day Richards told me that he'd sent you a letter. I don't know what he'd said but it infuriated me. How dare he? I got angry and we dueled there in the corridor. We both lost 30 points. After that I just stewed and apparently overthought things, making connections and jumping to false conclusions." He pauses, drawing in a breath. "When Phoebe sent me an owl I was completely convinced that I was merely a replacement. I don't think I was particularly polite to your healers." I just shake my head when he's done.

"Draco Lucius Malfoy," He winces at his full name. "You are completely ridiculous. Come here." As if unsure of himself, he hesitates before moving closer. I take his hand and pull him so he's resting against my chest. "You have a daughter, Draco." I feel his breath hitch. "Would you like to meet her?"

"I can't, Bell. I wouldn't know what to do." I hug him as tightly as I can manage. His uncertainty makes me hurt for him.

"You're gong to be wonderful, trust me."

+++

Cheyenne is two weeks old and we're finally able to take her home. She developed jaundice and had to stay in the hospital for some extra time. Completely normal in newborns, especially ones that are born early. Dumbledore was gracious enough to allow Draco to stay with me for a week. Having him there when I had to go home and leave Cheyenne at the hospital did me a world of good.

Charlie sets Cheyenne down, who is currently snoozing in her car seat, and shuts the front door behind him. "Well you're all home now, Bell. How are you feeling?" Mum is back at work, having taken the first two weeks off, so Charlie took the day off to drive us home.

"Slightly overwhelmed, I think. She isn't even awake and I'm having trouble adjusting without the nurses here to help." Charlie looks at me sympathetically.

"Of course, but you'll do just fine. Plus Glenda will come by during the day for the first little while, so that should help, yes?" I nod, but it does little to assuage my worries.

Being a teenage mother qualifies me for certain programs through the hospital. One of them is a nurse that comes to your house everyday for the first week that you're home to help you settle in. Most babies are newborns, as they go home when they're a day or two old, but Cheyenne's extended stay in the hospital prolongs the help I've been receiving. I have to say I'm quite grateful for it. Motherhood is frightening.

"Why don't you take her to the living room and sit down and I'll make you a sandwich?" I nod again, grab the car seat's handle and carry the baby to sit on the floor beside the couch. She shifts a little but doesn't wake. I slide onto the couch and shutter out a sigh, looking around at the baby paraphernalia. A bassinet sits off to the side of the couch, a swing is smack dab in the middle of the floor. I wonder where mum shoved the coffee table and notice it in the front hall.

I'd thought about how different life would be after she arrived. The obvious late nights, a new person to bring with me wherever I go, the all consuming thoughts of caring for another human being. Merlin, how mum did this six times I'll never know. I wasn't prepared for the soul shattering, ever persistent self doubt that I feel.

Growing up with 2 older and 3 younger brothers wasn't easy in any stretch of the imagination. Ruthless teasing, being ganged up on countless times, but always content in the knowledge that each one of them has my back no matter what. I grew up with a self assurance and confidence that only comes from having multiple siblings. And it all seems to crumble with the prospect of caring for my own offspring.

I jump when Charlie suddenly appears before me. I hadn't heard him come into the room. "Sorry, hon. Here," He hands me a plate with a sandwich and cut up cucumber slices on it and sits beside me. "Anything you'd like to talk about?" I toss a cucumber into my mouth.

"How do you get past the doubt and fear enough to properly care for another person?" Charlie's eyes soften and he pats my knee in a reassuring manner. He looks down at Cheyenne and smiles.

"You never truly do. Once you think you have they throw you a curve ball that messes it all up again," He winks at me and I feel a light blush across my cheeks. "Mostly you do the best you can with what you have and figure it out along the way. No one has it figured 100% of the time." A sudden thought occurs to me.

"How did you accept mum, someone with three kids that weren't yours, into your life?"

"It was never a question for me, Bell. I loved your mother and I loved you and your brothers as if you were my own. And you are my own. I love you no differently than I do the younger boys." I feel tears spill from my eyes. "Draco loves you. It's quite obvious. And don't worry, I won't tell your mother." I blink and take a bite of my sandwich to stall.

"Tell her what?" Charlie chuckles and looks pointedly at my bare ring finger.

"Draco asked me for permission, you know." My eyes widen.

"He failed to mention that little detail." Charlie pats my knee and stands up.

"You'll be fine, hon. Now eat and nap while you can." I smile lightly and watch as he walks out of the room. What? Draco has some explaining to do. Before finishing my lunch I jog, jog!, up the stairs to my room. To my surprise, an owl is sitting on a perch beside my bedroom window. "We thought we'd surprise you, so you're not dependent on other's owls. He still doesn't have a name." I spin around to see Charlie leaning against the door frame.

"Seriously? You got me an owl?" I turn back to my new owl and approach him. He hoots at me softly. I extend my arm and he gently nudges my finger with his head. "He's beautiful. Thank you." I turn back around but Charlie is already gone.

+++

Draco,

I had an interesting conversation with Charlie today. You have some explaining to do, mister!

In better news, Cheyenne is finally home. I wish you could be here to share it with us. I've included pictures for her fan club. I know they don't move but they'll have to do.

Send my love to Lena. She especially loves hugs.

Give Hector a nice treat before he returns. This is his first flight.

My love,
Bella

+++

02.03

Dear Bell,

I had planned to tell you but couldn't find the opportunity. I'm a proper gentleman, Bell. I do things the proper way.

I'm so glad that she's home. I know how anxious you've been even if you can't articulate it. I cannot wait to come home to the two of you every day. June is closing in!

Don't expect any of the photos back. I may or may not have kept them all.

Hector has been very polite.

Yours,
Draco